That's Not My FUCKIN NAME!!!

My mother named me Jarrett... Not "Nigga." My family don't even call me that. My closest black friends don't call me that... I don't hear you calling any other co-workers that... But why did I get so lucky? Why am I "Nigga?" Is it because I don't listen to enough hip-hop? Is it because I don't smoke weed? Is it because,  I don't have bitches on my dick all the time? So, because I do not live up to a standard that I have surpassed, that puts me in this nominal level to make yourself feel cool? No.

I know we all have that one "friend" that really needs to slapped... We all have that 1 co-worker that we wish could fuck up just one more time... We all have that one person that we wish would get slapped in the mouth for their words... Well, I have that person. In the days where anything and everything that would be considered racist, should not come out of anyone's mouth, EVER. Ignorance, stupidity, being cool, being yourself, or whatever you would like to call it, does not give you cause, or pass to use terms that is ok to YOU.

As you all should know, I do not, abide by the word "nigger" and all of its many shapes and forms. I do have someone who like to use that term with me, that I do not hear it directed to anyone else of the same chemical make up, that makes my skin darker than this persons... I absolutely hate when someone thinks that they are untouchable. Just because you grew up one way or the other, got all this cred for this or that, don't mean shit to me... You are made the same way like we all are... one lucky night.  And you aint shit if you think you can get away with saying things because we are "cool."

There is no reason why anyone should think that being this way, is the way it should be. its not... It makes you look foolish, ignorant, dumb, insensitive, and common. There is something that people think of me, and this is a lot of people... When most people see me, they see this big, black, guy who looks like he could kill you by breathing on you the wrong way... But when people get to know me, they know that all I do is take it as easy as possible. I can take a joke easier than I can take a compliment. I can take a beer with my pasta, but not my ice cream... but the one thing that I have a hard time doing, is vocalizing when something does not sit well with me... I am easy to forgive and easy to laugh things off... but when this happens, and I allow it to happen, it shows how weak I really am... It would be amazing to just go up to that individual and let him know that I will not take that shit from him ever again... But, this person wont listen...

With everything that has been happening over the last month, with Michael Brown, and Eric Garner having their killers walk free, things like this gets under my skin, when people of privilege thinks that their words are innocent and in good fun... Stop it. Stop and think about your words. Just because it may be cool in your circle, doesn't make it cool in all circles. All of my friends know, that certain words I don't allow in my world... "Nigger" is one of them... I do not use terms that many a person of color has died and fought, and have been wrongly accused, and jailed to not be called or lowered to. It may be something you allow in your world (blacks, whites, whatever), but in mines, no...

But how can I say that I don't allow it, but I listen to it, on my iPod? I know what I listen to... I know what I allow to affect me lyrically... I don't let the opinions, feelings, or whatever of the artist affect what I allow to pass my lips... How can I be a movie fan, when any and all period pieces, have that word? Well, guess what I chose to do... not allow those words to get under my skin... If it's not mines, it doesn't matter what they do... I can't control them... However, I can control MY world... and in MY world, that is not allowed. It's time to get control of my name, my manhood, and let those who offends that it has to stop today.

Well, Since Grandma's Dishes Are Broken, Might As Well Talk About The Elephant In The Room

Amazing how, all of a sudden, the law doesn't apply for ALL Americans... When the dead can't testify, and the guilty gets away free, KNOWING that what they did was wrong... This whole situation in Ferguson, Missouri is the tipping point of the elephant that has been shitting in the corner of the room, in this nation. Racism is alive and well. RACISM is alive and well. RACISM is ALIVE and well... RACISM IS ALIVE AND WELL!!!

For any and everyone who still think that its SOOOO cool to add the word "Nigga" to your everyday speech, shows that there is no real cause for a cure to what this nation has been brought up on... FEAR. This is the most alive I have seen this country since the Olympics and World Cup. Now that this has happened for the second time this year, that a black kid has been killed by a white man who is to "protect and serve," and got away with murder, It finally became time to bring it up... The fear has to be subsided in this nation...

There is no reason why people have to feel as if they have to PROVE themselves to one race or the other, by listening to the music, trying to talk the jive, or being SO FUCKIN OFFENDED by anything that happens to your black friends, is not enough to make any relations in race better. Instead of seeing color, or circumstance, or dress, or what they listen to, see the person. Get to know, the human. Get to fall in love with the soul that is the person. Not the color, not the culture, not the lifestyle... PEOPLE! FALL IN LOVE WITH THE PEOPLE!

There is no reason why people who protects and serve take up extreme violence among people... There is no reason why these cops are getting away with assault and battery. Instead of protecting and serving, they are getting angry and using extreme force and violence against people who are being general assholes... People are being abused and their rights are being violated because they cant "maintain their right to remain silent." And no one is trying to keep them accountable for their actions. So here is what needs to be done...

I know that the election is rigged to where the predetermined winner will win, regardless of the voice of the masses... What needs to happen is that the masses needs to show up at every town hall meeting, every governors address, every appearance by any and all politicians and ask the questions, and FORCE THEM TO ANSWER THE QUESTION HONESTLY. Educate yourself on those running, and find a way to make sure that they stay accountable with their word... WE THE PEOPLE, CONTROL THE GOVERNMENT. That is why dirty cops are walking around free. That's why things aren't being changed in the community. That is why fear is the leader of this nations media. That is why no one wants to close the gap the proper way...

If we educate ourselves on who is going into office, we will have the upper hand, and we will not have anymore unrest like we do today... but what do I know... I havent touched this fuckin blog in over 5 months... But, I had to say something. Goodnight.

YOU ARE ON MY LIST!

Here's a list for ya!

THINGS THAT ARE OK TO TELL PEOPLE IS REAL AND COOL

Sex
Good Times
Food
Music
Alcohol
Movies
College
Sports
Beer
Stories
Babies
Family
Technology
Theory
Ideas
Science
Progress
Friends
Drugs
Rainbows
Unicorns
Star Trek
Star Wars
Mythbusters
Dogs
Cats
Rats
Hamsters
Spiders
Feelings
Motivation
Instagram
Facebook
YouTube
666
Satan
Porn
Anger
Happiness
Sadness
Homosexuality
Heterosexuality
Left
Right
Up
Down
Tears
Light
Love
Hate
Universe
Health
Exercise
Bars
TV
Medicine
Sharpies
Mathematics
Film
Movie Making
Directors
Editors
Actors
Characters
Comic Books
Cosplay
Appliances
Records
Sickness
Excuses
Bad Days
Good Days
Death
Life
Smiles
Frowns
Independence
Patriotism
Furniture
Babies

THINGS THAT ARE NOT REAL OR COOL TO TALK ABOUT

God
Politics

We have such a love for the things that are tangible, and ready to curse the things that didn't work when we needed it to. Many times, I may mention my faith, and I get a cold shoulder, and an explanation on how I am wrong for believing whatever I wanna believe. Lately, on the Socials, there have been a lot of anti-God rants in peoples pursuit of freedom, and you know what? Cool! Whatever works for you! But here is the question that bugs me every day... Do people who don't believe in something bigger, realize that they are preaching just as bad as those who do believe in something bigger? THERE IS NO GOD!! THERE IS A GOD!! I AM MY OWN GOD!! THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUE GOD!!

Shut the fuck up! You don't like it when people force their faith down your throat, why the hell do you think people want to hear your bullshit as well!? Ever think about that? No. Cause you are too goddamn busy trying to put down the faith of those who have it to realize that you are no different than those who are trying to beat you over the head with it. What if God was a superhero, or a Sci-fi character, you'd be all over Him, wouldn't you?

Those who have faith in God... WE GET IT!!! YOU BELIEVE! YOU ARE A BELIEVER! THANK CHRIST ALMIGHTY!!! But PLEASE!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! The reason why we NEVER have a common ground with ANYONE, is because, we are so ready to beat the shit out of people with the Holy Word, that we don't even get to know the person and to shower them with love! Instead of telling people that they are going to hell, why don't you get together with them, have a beer and a conversation and see where it goes? OH! I forgot... Christians ain't allowed to drink, because the bible said so... BULLSHIT! It says not to get drunk! But, of course, we have to stay away from the things that temps us, right? Well, guess what, I like beer! I like alcohol! I am still a functioning individual who gets his shit done... And I am blessed to know that Jesus wants me to have a good time in life.

If everyone, believer and none alike, quit putting themselves in a box of their own systems, and actually just got to know each other better, and accept the person for their choices, and not try to belittle someone's faith because of what you may or may not have seen, felt, heard, watched, read, or whatever, the world would be a better place... Not all Christians, Jews, and Muslims are against gay marriage... Not all who believe in God, actually go to church every Sunday... Some of us do find comfort in being around friends, and strangers in a bar, restaurant, park, alley, or where ever! Not all of us read the bible daily. Not all of us see God as a heartless ruler...

So, let's just live out the rest of our days as people who are PROUD about their beliefs, and lets just say that politics are stupid.

My Thoughts Of This Whole Thing...

The people who don't want to make history, but changes it, are remembered... The one's who make history for bravery, notoriety, or to make news, you are an asshole. I said it. We ALL want to be a part of history in one way or the other. We all want to be the first to do or be or witness; or the last to do or be or witness. But in cases as what is the hot topic of the day... sometimes, you look like a straight up asshole trying to puppeteer yourself into being something that should not matter. Before I continue, I just have something to say. I know that this will sound wrong, and hateful, but I promise you, it is not... On this blog, I have never shied away from my feelings, and I will not start doing that today. I am very supportive to all of my friends no matter their gender, creed, color, or sexual preference. They ALL know that I have their back when they are right, and when they are wrong. When they are wrong, I will check them on it... They are my friends, and my family, and I love them unconditionally... Now with that said, I am about to check some people for showing their ass...

A friend of mines on Facebook, went on a rant about how Tim Tebow can't get another shot in the NFL, because he is outspoken about his beliefs, and how Michael Sam is being celebrated for being the first "out" gay man in the league... Fine. Everyone has their own agendas. Me, I thought it was a great show of bravery, and happiness of one's self for him to come out... I saw the young man play football. He is an amazing athlete! Gay or straight or in between, that should never matters about his sexual preference. Someone's talent should always outweigh their lifestyle and life choices. But, as expected, the media is over hyping the situation and making it something bigger than what it should be.

You look around the media, from ESPN, to your favorite gossip blog spot, everyone has poured their heart and soul into something that shouldn't really matter... What Michael Sam did was create all this buzz about him by becoming the first gay man in a major collegiate sports program, is made the world about him, and not about the LBGT community. He decided to become an ambassador for himself! Yes, there are a million boys and girls who will look up to him and cast him as the godfather of the first to be, but he has done this for himself. The media is no better... A lot of people could not tell me his jersey number when he was as Missouri... A lot of people can't tell me what award he got last year because of his talents, without looking it up... But EVERYBODY can tell me and want to share the oh so beautiful and emotional reaction when he was selected to the Rams, sealed with a kiss with his partner. Truly a beautiful moment... But really? Why is this one celebrated more than the others? You all realize that Michael Sam isn't the only one who had a dream of playing in the NFL, right? You do realize that he isn't the only one to breakdown in happy tears, embracing his significant other, right? You also realize that he is not the only gay person to play in a league or association right? But the reason he is so special, is because he's the first to come out and say it proudly...

There is no difference in Michael Sam from JD Clowney (I would have typed "Jadeveon," but he wants to be known as JD from now on, so yeah.). Both of them are phenomenal athletes. Both of them have had success on the football field. Both are approachable and, from what I hear, fun to be around and very nice. But how will we ever know why Michael Sam was drafted? I know he was drafted for his talents... But for those of us who aren't football fans, see him drafted because hes gay. That saddens me like you wouldn't believe.

Who you love should never matter when it comes to your talents. But it matters because we are fed to believe that it matters. I don't give a shit if you are gay, straight or whatever. What SHOULD matter, and what should have mattered this entire time, is his talents. But because he wanted to bear this cross, It makes him out to be an asshole, and now, I gotta watch and hear each and every sports media make their claims and thoughts from the religious, to the liberal, and all claims in between... All of which could have been avoided, if only he didn't bring it upon himself to be outspoken... Now a days, if you are outspoken, you are doing it for attention... Rosa Parks just said "No.  Crispus Attucks was in the wrong place at the wrong time. " MLK Jr. said he had a dream. Gandhi went on a hunger strike. What did Michael Sam do? Come out... Seems legit. 

I do hope and pray that Michael Sam's career is long, prosperous and amazing. I do hope and pray that the fans of the sport will watch him for his talent, and not judge him for who he loves. I hope and pray that there will be maturity in the crowd as we send taunts his way for who he plays for and how he plays and not because he is gay. I hope and pray that he will remain mature and handle everything graciously and amazingly. And I also hope and pray that the new Rams fans, and the new fans from the LBGT community will be treated the same way as any other fan... just a fan! This is a new era of sports... Get use to it, but again, what could have just been a great day for one young man, his family and his significant other, goes to make him look like an asshole, and also makes the media go back to high school with the whole "look at what I support" mentality... I also hate the fact that we cant allow humans to be themselves. We have to support or acknowledge their lives as something "different" and not just love them for them. But ultimately... I get it. I love you no matter who you are, who you love, or whatever... don't make it about you! You have enough support to where you do not need to have to tell the world what you are. But hey! I am proud of you. Now lets see you make plays and not allow your lifestyle not be the center of it all. 

An 8 Hour Heart Drum Solo

Being in a weird head space is probably the most vivid and wide open you will ever be. In this mode, you can be willing to say yes, or no to just about anything. For the last 3 weeks or so, I have been sitting here trying to figure out what has been swimming through my head. To be honest with you, I do not know what is going on up there. Between music, movies, and the constant convincing that I don't matter, but I do matter, its been tough trying to settle my mind. Do I need emotional closure? Do I need a physical conversation followed by a hug? Fuck if I know!

I think that the addition of school has opened me up creatively, which opened me up to this weird feeling that I can't shake right now. It's not the worst thing going, but, its not the most comfortable thing either... Perfect example... Just last night, I had heart palpitations that went on all night... For some reason, when I drink something very cold, it feels like it gets stuck in my chest, and it basically freezes the capillaries... Usually, when I feel a brain freeze coming on, this is when it happens... So I'm almost finished, and I feel the freeze coming on... and then it triggers my heart doing an 8 hour drum solo. I was fine, but it's so uncomfortable. The only thing you can do is just keep breathing. That episode was an eye opener that I need to chill it out on the cold and the sweets... Anyways, that feeling is what it feels like in my head... WAY too much going on. Not sure what it is... It doesn't hurt, but its not comfortable... Could it also be some of the things I have seen in the last 3 months? Could it be an appreciation for myself, and also the artists that has entertained me live over the same time span? Not really sure... I just hope that it all settles down... Could it be my body trying to be happier than its limits? Is it yearning for something more from me? The things I need to find.

There is something I gotta learn. Something I gotta strive for... Not sure exactly what it is, but I can't wait. Goodnight.

And......... I'm Back! ::cricket, cricket::

So, a year came and went, and I am now back on the social medias... I don't feel any different. Just thought I share. Goodnight.

Not Surprised, And Not All That Hurt

I do not know why anyone wants to act surprised because some old white person said something racist. Didn't shake me. What you do in the dark will come out in the light one way or the other... So when Donald Sterling said whatever he said to one of those bitches he could afford, I did not bat a lash. Racism exists, and for people to act offended by it in today's society only do it for the notoriety. This move is just as political as anyone who told you to vote whichever way they wanted YOU to vote. The only people who has ANY reason to feel offended is The employees and players for the Clippers organization, and Magic Johnson. Outside of that, the opinions and thoughts from anyone else, holds no weight. That is my opinion.

This pouring of "let's all hate this guy because of this thing," is the latest of things to happen to show that we as a country are willing to allow the words of one, to determine how we should feel. I am in no way saying that he is right, because he is not. I am just saying that there are more things in this world to put more energy behind other than the stupid opinions of a self made billionaire. Racism still holds a sting for a lot of us. For example, a couple of weeks ago, one of the students at the school decided that she would use the N-word in her every day vocabulary... I checked her on it... Few minutes later, she did it again. I kicked her out of my "office" (I primarily work out of the laundry room, but it's my office). She apologized, but she is still not back on my good side... Not going to sugarcoat what I felt, and I for damn sure am not going to accept it.

I do understand why everyone is mad and wants to react, but, The Miami Heat did the stupidest thing tonight by doing exactly what the Clippers did the night before in their silent protest. The Clippers wore black socks and black wrists bands in a show of solidarity... Miami, for some reason, wanted to do the same... Last I heard, NO ONE in The Heat Organization said ANYTHING racist, to anyone... Why in the FUCK are the teenage girls of the Association, doing this? Makes no since. Stupid move in my opinion. And yet, here we are talking about 1 man, when we could be talking about how AMAZING the NBA and the NHL First Rounds have been! But for the last 78+ hours, all that has been circulating on the sports networks. To hell with the scores... To hell with the games, and your favorite team... Let's talk about Donald Sterling. America is treating this the worst way possible... In order to get over and beyond someones ignorance, do what Dani Alves of Barcelona did.

The same weekend that Sterling went out of his way to make an ass of himself, A fan of the same Barcelona team that Dani Alves plays on, THREW A BANANA on the pitch as he was setting up for a corner kick... Being from Brazil, and living in Spain for 11 years now, Alves has had his fair share of racist taunts... But this latest one is getting all the attention the world over. Why? Because of what he did... Instead of getting mad, and throwing a fit, Alves picked up the banana, peeled it, ate it, threw the peel behind him, and finished the corner... THAT is what should be happening in the U.S. right now... When the world throws you a banana, eat that shit! It has a lot of potassium! That shit lubricates the muscles! So that one racist asshole, just helped his team win over Villarreal this past weekend. He was asked about it, and he had a quote that I can't find... But he ultimately said, that the power in racism lies in how you deal with it.

I, as a black man, could give a shit about Donald Sterling. I as a black man, can't change the ideologies of little white girls who has no idea about how to be... I can't change their minds. I can't educate the ones who aren't willing to learn... I can't tell a fan how to be smart... All I can do is deal with it when it comes... It bothers me that it still exists, but it will NEVER surprise me that it exists at all. There will never be change in this aspect. Racism still exists because we allow it to. How? When was the last time, black person, you went up to your black friend, and instead of calling him by name, you said "What up, nigga?" Yeah. What about you behind closed door, white person? When was the last time you said "The niggers I work with are getting under my skin." Of course. When was the last time you decided you wouldn't see a movie by Quentin Tarantino, because of the grotesque use of the "n-word?" Didn't stop you yet... What about the last time you celebrated Cinco de Mayo? Did you wear a sombrero, and drink tequila, and Corona, or Tecate? Not to mention wearing green and claiming to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day... Not to mention the that Asians aren't the only bad drivers out there, nor do they "love you long time." All big asses ain't Ghetto. Not every Jewish person is stingy. Not every black person celebrates Kwanzaa... Not every white man is trying to hold you down.

So, lets all just eat a banana, call it a day, and starve those who wants to be assholes to us for whatever reason, by not giving them the time of day.

Your Part

In this life, what's your part? Think about it! Where do you belong in this sphere? This question came about while watching Lorde's performance at Coachella tonight. I was thinking about that day that I discovered her... It was about a year ago, and I was on buzzfeed.com, and while on there, There was something about artists you should fall in love with immediately... And as I clicked on Lorde, I was seriously seconds away from turning off the song, and moving on... But when the music changed to the chorus of "The Love Club," I was hooked from that moment on... I COULD NOT get enough of this voice, this sound, and this accent that was prevalent I knew this young lady was destined to be a star... Following her through interviews and YouTube, I just knew that she would be something huge, and she would not be something worth keeping for myself. At every opportunity that I had, I shared her name, and her song with anyone who was looking for GOOD MUSIC! It surprised me to learn how young she was, but listening to her, I know she has her head on straight, and she will not end up like certain pop stars that had humbled beginnings as well.

She was born to be an alternate voice of the youth, and the young at heart who was waiting on someone to say what we thought. She has touched me, and millions all over the world, and she never thought that she could do that. She knows her part. Me, I love music and I love movies... I see myself behind the scenes making beauty the only way I know how... with my imagination. I wanna write or edit. I want to be as far behind the scenes as possible. I want to have a quiet life not in front of a camera or in front of a microphone, but you know what? What I wanna do, may lead me right into that position. There may be some who wants to be in the front, but want to be in the back... and the same goes fro those who wants to move from the back to the front... who knows. You do. So what are you going to do to make sure that you are in the position that you are suppose to be in? How are you going to play your part? What are you going to do to make sure that you are in your role? What about if you aren't where you suppose to be, but this is the hand that is dealt to you? Figure it out.

Make it work for you the best way you can. Even if it takes a little longer than you would've liked. I'll see you when you land.

DREAMS!

Most days, when asked, "Hey Jarrett! How you doing?"  My response is usually "Living the dream!" But am I really? This past weekend, I was watching Coachella as it was televised on YouTube. And one of the bands that I was surprised to see play is a band that consists of 3 black pre-teens who plays metal... Those boys are SO. FUCKING. GOOD!!! They are known as "Unlocking The Truth." One of the members, co-founder Malcolm, addressed the crowd saying to them: "Y'all having a good time?" To which the growing crowd responded with a cheer... Just before Alec's bass was fixed, and they started playing again, he said "This is a dream come true." He was referring to playing Coachella. These 3 young men started playing metal because they did not want to be like everyone else, who's all about hip-hop, in their Brooklyn neighborhood. With parents who lovingly allows the noise of electric guitars and heavy drums fill the halls of their house, these boys self groomed themselves to be bigger than they could imagine, and I am proud to say that I am a fan of theirs, and wish them nothing but the best from here til Kingdom Come. They have played with the likes of Motorhead, and other legends of rock and metal... These kids are going to be around for a long long time.

But back to the subject... Am I really living the dream? Am I really giving my all to be the best that I can be every day? Nope. I can honestly say that I am not. BUT, can that change? Yes! Will it? It has to! The heart strings are being tugged to do something. So, getting up and moving will be something I will do... Being the best that I can in school will be something that I will do as well. I love school. I love my teachers, I love my subjects, and it just makes me feel good, and accomplished. I have to start looking for a job in the field one day soon as well... We shall see how it all works out. But am I living the dream? What does dream living consist of really?

Well, as we all are pretty familiar with, the American Dream is what you make of yourself in this life... That can be said about someone from Canada, or Rwanda... Are they living the Canadian or Rwandan Dream? Is it the same thing as the American Dream? Well, my dream is to be a successful film maker in the concentrations of editing and writing. Even if I am not the best, I know that is where I will find my happiness. So, I am doing what I can to make my dream come true. And I hope that one day, when I say "Living the dream," its not for laughs, but for real. Something I can smile about. But even in joking, I feel like I am truly living the dream... Despite self-questioning and answering, I know that I am living the dream. I am employed, I am educated, I am loved, I am accepted, I am liked, and I am happy... I don't have the white picket fence, or the garage full of cars, but one day, I will... Things will not bring happiness... Working hard at not working anymore, will.

I Love This Love, And Hate That Love

So, my Twin found happiness, and I could not be any happier! For her safety, she will be known to you as Twin. To me, she is the best thing in my world. And no, I do not have a flesh and blood twin. My friend and I met back in high school, lost touch, regain touch, and been really close since. She lives in Canada, and its very few and far between we actually see each other, but, we know our relationship, and I am there for her, like she is there for me. I recently told her that if her now boyfriend somehow breaks her heart, he has a brand new enemy. No matter where I am, I will find a way to fuck up his world. There is very few things that you do to get me pissed... But the one thing that gets me upset is when you fuck with my family... And trust me, my family is HUGE... But yeah, anyways, on to the subject at hand...

I recently told someone that I am done with love... I am done with the search, the hope, and everything that has to do with dating, and love.... There is a huge and complete difference between the levels of love, There is man and man, man and self, man and nature, man and God... And in that "man and man" love, there is definitely degrees in that. I have a lot of great friends, who I love to death... Like I always say to all my favorite people, "Thank you for allowing me to fall in love with you." I love all my friends, and all my relationships with those people. Recently, I met my friend Christina's boyfriend. As long as me and Christina have been friends, she has talked about Mike. Never met him, until recently, when I realize that our paths, me and Mike that is, have crossed years before! Small world, and the smaller city. Anyway, I love them! They are awesome, and I am blessed to have them in my life.

But when it comes to love, and passing on my name, I think it stops with me... Like I mentioned in a previous blog, it definitely requires some things that someone has to live up to in order to be considered, at the least, look-at-able... So, I am done, and I have said so before, but this time, I am for real. Do I have hope that I am wrong? Yes! God knows that the one thing I definitely want is to have a family of my own. However, I don't want to do it the wrong way. I believe in the order of things... Meet, date, ask, plan, wed, sex, baby, repeat steps 6 and 7 as many times as you want, do more 6 than 7, provide, nurture, let go, wed off, grand kids, get older, and die. But in today's world, that will NEVER happen. Why? Because more and more people are coming out of the closet (not a problem, but its definitely a trend), social media have set boundaries around meeting someone in real life, all we do is keep up with whats going on with the lives of others as we sit across from someone who may have a problem that you need to deal with, AND, the big one, porn is so easy to access! Seriously... you can turn to your left, there is tits and dicks, you turn to your left, pussy and assholes! It's no reason why no one wants to get married... Its too easy to get what you want without moving from your chair, all the while stuffing your face with Doritos! Not to mention everyone who finds satisfaction in making someone else's life as miserable as possible with limitations of self, and worth.

Love, somehow, is not what you have in common, or what you don't have in common... It's now all about what you did/didn't do on the Facebook or the twitter, or the whatever... My year off of the social media sites is almost up, and I can tell you it has been awesome... The people I met, the bands that I love now, the memories that I kept to myself has been more than what I could have thought... And because of all the encounters that I manage to have with these people, I have fallen in love ten-fold. The missed connections, the new addition to my world, it has been awesome. But finding someone to love for the purpose of a life of happiness, It stops. But if it finds me, cool. If it doesn't I am cool with that too. No need for me to rush into anything. Plus, I have me to take care of. I love me, but there are a lot of things to correct, and a huge margin of time to improve me. Can't wait! Except, I have to wait til this pollen passes for me to do what I really wanna do. Ok. Done. Night.

What Is The Right Hand Doing?

Tricks and illusions. We all fall for the lies presented to us every day... Last year, early fall, there was a woman standing on a street corner, with a baby in a stroller, and a sign that said "Homeless, hungry, and with child, please help, God bless." Now, I have lived in this city so long that I have seen the tricks from low lives, trying to capitalize off of hard working 9 to 5'ers. However, this one, I was willing to fall for. Do I know how it ended up for that young lady? Nope. I do hope that it worked out for her, even if it wasn't true.

Tonight, while at dinner with my friend Rachel, she was in the mood for war. Behind her in the next booth, there were some mid-20 somethings that were being really loud for no apparent reason. Watching her face would have been the price of admission for your favorite concert. It was amazing! But she was visibly uncomfortable with all their loudness behind her. They ended up leaving a short time later, but then her attention went to the bar, and she was watching your a-typical doucher talk to some girl who was drunk... She was telling me what was going on, because my angle was blocked by a few heads at the end of the bar we were sitting. Apparently Doucher McAsshole was groping Suzzie Loosepanties. He then put something down her shirt, and that is where Rachel really got uncomfortable. She was already ready to fight, but I talked her off the ledge. It was entertaining to watch. 

So after the encounter she witnessed, she asked: "Why do we fall for the assholes?" Talking about girls, clearly. I said, its because y'all fall for their tricks! The bad guy always gets the pretty girl, because they just know how to play the game, and you are willing to play it. Simple. The reason why guys like Doucher McAsshole gets the pretty, tall, big titted, big ass girl with the great smile and hair is because, she fell for the tricks. The same can happen to guys as well... Girls are just as big of a player than guys. Girls are just as heartless when it comes to things like getting what you want for the night.Girls can flirt relentlessly for just a drink. And as soon as you go in for a kiss, or something, said girl suddenly sobers up, and leaves with her bitch friends...  It is not all men, and its not all women, but the majority of the minority makes it so entertaining, and maddening to watch them take advantage of each other. But, this is why we fall in love with magicians.

To keep from falling for the tricks, the easiest thing to do is to just know where you are, know who you are with, and its ok to say no, and its for damn sure ok to walk away. You know what else is ok? Literally going out to have a good time. No one will ever fault you for hanging out with no one but yourself. Speaking of, I was pleasantly surprised on Saturday to see as many friends as I did at the Classixx show. It was amazing, and I saw one of my favorite up and coming bands "GEMS." I had such a good time. As long as my week has been (Going off subject and just bullshitting right now... bear with me), my body had my back... My body said to me "Dude... cut loose, and drink the night away... you earned it, and you deserve it." I put them down!!! It was AWESOME, and I left with new friends, and respect for musicians. GREAT time was had... I said all of that to say this... Go out and have a great time by yourself every now and then. You'd be surprised who will show up. So, instead of trying to get someone to sleep with you, or dance with your friend to get attention from a guy... just have fun! Life is too short to do so much  peacocking to get 5 mins of attention. 

Night

That One Moment...

For someone who does not believe in love, why is sex something he cherishes? Not too sure of why, but What happened last night was nothing short of a miracle... Last night, I went to a concert. I saw the band, "St. Vincent" play at The Tabernacle. It was amazing! I wish I saw her more than once when she came through town, but, I am glad that I finally got to see such an amazing guitarist, a very funny young lady, and someone who just has talent oozing out of those dreamy eyes of hers. Probably the hottest woman in music. Seriously! But I digress... At the end of the show, and with a fight with the asshole sound guy to get the set list, to which the light lady, give me hers, I was heading to the exit when a 5 foot something, brunette girl started talking to me. She needed my help to find her friend Natasha.

She described Natasha as a "Jamaican girl, with Jamaican hair, black skin, wearing a brown shirt, and black boots, and has Chinese eyes." And as we stood there... I actually stood there, and she wobbled... She was 5772 sheets to the wind... I was told that the earlier expression that I heard/said was wrong, so now I just make it up! But yeah... anyways, after she called for Natasha, we walked down to the front of the building. She grabbed my arm, and we waited out front for a second. She then said: "Can you walk me to my hotel, its right there, and Natasha would probably be into you, blah blah blah." Mind you, I am more sober than a pole. I did not have any alcohol. "We have champagne, and weed, and you could have your way with me, or her... I don't know what you're into." Yeah, shes giving me all the signs that she was willing to get any she could... She's a very attractive young lady as well.

Anyways, we walk pass the building and I offer her a ride to the hotel, but, she wanted to walk. and just before we got to the car, we witnessed an accident in the parking lot... she was trying to run away by climbing over the fence where the buses were. I talked her down and saved the security guy a lot of walking. We waited for a little while, when her bladder started to give her problems, so we walked to the hotel. I carried her a little bit, threshold style, but, she wanted a piggy back ride... That wouldn't have worked, because she was wearing a little black dress, and she was stumbling in heels. We missed a turn, but after we got her back, we finally made it to the hotel, and after a little fight with the technology, she got into the bathroom with no more issues... Or at least I thought...

So after she used the restroom, she bumped and banged around a bit in there... What do you expect with a drunk girl? She came out, and she got in the bed... I went and sat in the opposite bed... While I was there, she looked at me, and in that toothy grin of hers, she said, come closer... I switched from the opposite bed, to hers... she said, "closer!" To where I leaned in... She then asked me to "caress" her. If there was ever a more obvious sign that a girl wanted to have an added moment of bad judgement, this was it... So I obliged... I caressed her, by running my finger down her arm like I was turning off a switch. I knew that wasn't what she wanted, but I was not going to take advantage of someone who is from out of town, and drunk off her ass... So after a little about a minute or so, she says "I'll be back." She got up, walked to the bathroom, fell, and was lifeless... Right now, it doesn't look good, especially with her roommates coming in at any time... she passed out. so, I took her "77 lbs." body and moved it to the bed, talking to her to get some sort of response... I have dealt with something like this before... I finally got her to squeeze my hand, and she finally came back, with that look of death... You know, the look that things aren't staying where they are suppose to? Yeah, she was about to have a "reversal of fortune." I got her in the bathroom, and she decided to hang over the tub. I helped with her hair, and rubbed her back, as she was finishing up, I hear the door being played with. Thank GOD her friends showed up.

I open the door, and explained everything to the 3 friends that came in. They were grateful. Natasha is a very beautiful "Jamaican girl, with Jamaican hair, black skin, wearing a brown shirt, and black boots, and has Chinese eyes." So, after intros, and handshakes, and seeing that my new friend was in good hands, I was about to head out, when she asked me for a hug. to where I ended up threshold carrying her again and she kissed my cheek, I kissed hers, and she then said "Will you make out with me?" I politely declined. :) She was drinking water but, yeah, it was evident that she was beyond gone. I sat her down, and she started to lean back, and that floor would not make that headache in the morning feel any better if I did not catch her head, as she came down. Not only was I a gentleman, I saved a life, and the least I hope is that she appreciates me, even if she forgot that entire night. I said good-bye, and wished them all safe travels, and I went out, and had a few drinks to celebrate the fact that I am a mature man who knows right from wrong...

Things like that can test your ability to be a gentleman or an asshole... I can't say that the results would have been the same if I was drunk as well, but, I know that I didn't want to cause any more stress than she was probably feeling, due to a recent break-up. If I caressed her like she asked, that would have been a temporary solution to a bigger issue that she may have been facing. I do hope that she is ok, and will get better from this. Whoever said nice guys finished last, was CLEARLY thinking with their dick... Cause, I feel that I did something that may be paid forward one day. Not looking for a reward, just that I hope my actions goes far.

We Require A Blood Sample

Call me crazy, but, I think I have passed the want/need for love. A guy like me will probably never fall in love. Love is something that is always wanted, but always rejected. Now a days, there are so many hoops that a man has to go through to just be able to talk to a young lady... You have to be tall, dark, and handsome, you have to have a big dick, muscular, have a job, a place of your own, you own car, and be drama free, disease free, and drug free. Gotta love kids, gotta be family oriented, believe in God, and most importantly, you gotta be willing to work for a relationship that will possibly lead to marriage.

There are so much limitations of what you are suppose to look like, and have, that no one wants to love, just because. I honestly wonder how many good young men are left out in the cold, because they aren't anything that superficial TV watching bitches wants. Well, I know that I could be the greatest thing going. I'm working on myself, and slowly trying to improve... I'm 31, and doing my best to finish school, and start my career as either an editor or writer. So,  its just as impossible to just be a nice guy and try to get a nice girl. Some of these nice girls like to act as if they can control a bad boy, and before you know it, they are running back to you, crying about why "he" doesn't love them, or pays attention...

So, I just gave up! I know I have talked about it before, but now, I can honestly say, that I am done with the idea of dating. There are no women out there that knows what they want. Its nothing but girls out there with what they think is an idea of what they want in a "Boi." They don't want men, they want a boy that they can train... Perfect example: There is this young lady that I know from a seasonal gig I work... One night, the tour guide was always the last one through the door, a lot later than usual... Cause as a guide, you have to stay with the group. But this one kid, was always coming in, and going through the secret door to catch up with his group. Come to find out, the girl in the room before mines, was holding him up to just make out with him... The kid was 18, and she is 24... I confronted her and said "You gotta make him keep up with his group.... And she did this practically all night... We talked, of course as friends, and in the talks about it, she mentioned that you gotta find someone you can train... Makes since, I guess? But why are you allowing a group to fuck around, because you wanna make out with some... boy? Things I will NEVER get...

So, I just sit here gladly single... Do I believe in love? I do! Hell! We would not be here if it wasn't for either love or lust, right? Do I believe in love today? Well, with all the limitations that comes with what is considered for love... I can say, I don't. It can be hard to find someone. It can be even harder to put yourself out there for the D.A.P.S (dog and pony show). to make yourself available... But, all in all, the people who are out there that are looking for something real, are out there... The real question is, how willing am I to take myself out of my comfort zone and look for this person? I don't know if she is worth the search anymore... That's all. Sorry about the long pause... Life has been crazy!

I miss you, Ruby.

Yesterday, I missed my Grandmother... My Grandma Ruby passed away 4 years ago just before Thanksgiving, and it was not an easy day to say goodbye to her... But yesterday, while I was in a meeting at work, and also doing some stuff around the job, all I could think about is her laugh... Her laugh always put a smile on my face... My Grandma always had a way of letting you know that she was happy, which was more or less... always! The only time I saw my Grandmother cry was when we laid her final husband, known simply as Grandpa Charles, to rest some 20 or so years before. Other than that, she has always had a smile. She was a world traveler, and a joker. She was just the greatest...

For me to be in a family like that, just makes me happy to have been blessed by the love that is... Whats now becoming difficult is the way the family seems to be falling apart in some ways... One of my uncles isn't trying to sell the house, and seems to try to run us (my mom, aunt, and cousins that lives in GA) out/away, Another uncle selfishly died. Yeah. My Uncle Frank had all the means to be alive, but he didn't want to be, and kept the fact that he was really ill from the rest of the family... asshole. I do miss him. He was GREAT GREAT people, but to choose death over being there to walking your only daughter down the isle, or being there to dance with your only son's wife on their wedding day, or even be there to help raise your grand kids make it really hard for me to actually be willing to forgive the choice he made. My aunt, who I love, gave me such hell as a child that I lovingly stay away. Another aunt is just nuts... I mean, insane!! She speaks without thinking, and loves to make any good moment uncomfortable... And in all of that nutty stuff, only ones of us who actually try our damnedest to keep in touch is us cousins! Me, Kevin, Mike, Jenny, Kurtis, Kristen, McKenzie, and Mia all do a lot of talking between us. But other than that. nothing more... The family is falling apart it may seem, but, we are trying. A lot of unsuccessful attempts to actually get together and do some sort of vacation/weekend with just us. Hopefully really soon we can. But it is still difficult to see my family crumble.

Life has a funny way of making things come back to family... While thinking about my Grandma, I thought about the times at her house on Willow Street. The times me and my cousins would literally pile up on the floor and fight, or go out in the smallest back yard in the world, and play football, or cops and robbers, or kickball... It was always a good time. Every morning waking up and there is the scent of breakfast in the air, and plans to go shopping. My grandma LOVED to shop. After that, it was off to a restaurant. Then bed, then up on Sundays, and church where me and my mom LITERALLY would laugh at people and their hats and what not... :) Great times for sure. But, yeah... missing my grandma hasn't been this intense since after the funeral. Even in that day, we had a LOT of great laughs. I am pretty sure, that is exactly what Grandma wanted... for us to enjoy ourselves and out lives. :) Still missing you, Grandma. I will see you again, one day. 

Good Parents = Great Music Taste

When I become a parent, I will raise my kids right... 2 nights ago, a radio personality here in Atlanta, was telling the story about him going to Benihana here in Atlanta. And after he saw all the kids running around, he decided to go elsewhere... On Buzzfeed, there is an "article or something" that shows that "Tweens" don't know who the group Outkast is...  That right there is bad parenting... You should NEVER allow your kids to run around a restaurant, while yall get drunk... You should ALWAYS open your kids up to GREAT music from the past, so they too can appreciate GOOD, QUALITY music... But because of the way these kids are raised, they wanna listen to Drake... Kanye West... Lil Wayne... They always go to the shit, and will never discover Janelle Monae... The Coup... GEMS... Coheed And Cambria... Death... The Beatles... The White Stripes... TV On The Radio... GREAT bands like these are never going to get the mainstream attention that they deserve, because, parents do not know how to be parents...

My mom grew me up on Earth, Wind, and Fire, Issac Hayes, Aretha Franklin... Classic soul searching music... My mom for my first real Christmas gave me the gift that I still have to this day... An original pressing of Michael Jackson's Thriller... That same woman, about 8 or 9 years later took me to my very first concert... It was Paul McCartney. He came and played at Williams-Brice Stadium in Columbia, South Carolina, and that night changed my life... I realized the importance of good music. Good music does a hell of a lot more for you than the bullshit that they force feed you over the Radio... I do hope that people realize that "Royals" is a social commentary of the "privileged" lives of American Youth, and a girl who is HAPPY for the life that she has, and not trying to live a "dream." It's a great song! But, I do hope that people know that Lorde has more than one song, that is a hell of a lot better than "Royals." But of course, no one will ever try to look it up... Why? Parents.

I will make sure that my kids will know music going back all the way to the days of the Symphony. You have ALWAYS gotta find out why you love certain music. But it is so wrong for parents not to give their kids the option to find or discover good music. The Hackney boys (The band named 'Death') had parents that exposed them to EVERY type of music, and they are punk LEGENDS!!! 3 black boys, living in the middle of Motown, playing punk rock... THAT is good parenting... They came from a blue collared 2 parent home, and they made sure that they had faith, music, and family. But, now a days, those kids in the 80s that were all about the hair bands (not saying that they were bad, or all bad), they will just allow their kids to listen to anything, and its obvious. I dont know the science behind it, but I am pretty sure that the statistics would show that the better parents have a great taste in music... Just saying... So yeah. Kids. Music. Important! But as a side note, the shitty songs are fun for a reason... And happiness can be a drug.