Thursday, May 23, 2013

Love No More

So this is my life. Maybe six weeks ago, I threw in the towel. I gave up the search, I decided that being single was probably the best and greatest option for me. I have received the cold shoulder for the last time. From Beth Sandy to Whitney Russell, I have gone through my fair share of bullshit from the female species. But the last and final straw that broke the camels back was THE cold shoulder... I have had my fair share of cold shoulders, and I probably have given my fair share of them along the way, but this one was BEYOND cold... You couldn't even measure it in Kelvins, that's how cold this sucker was... Go about 100,000,000,000,000 miles past Pluto, and this is how cold this son-of-a-bitch was. No lie. But because of that, I have decided to call all possible relationships quits... I have grown tired of hoping, begging, pleading, wishing, praying, looking, wondering, ignoring, and abiding all in the name of love... When I talk about love, its all about the human attractiveness of love. I am talking about the Eros love-- the love of man and woman...

Before I continue, I will say that I love all of my friends, and my family. Some things will never change, but when it comes to the females, NO MORE! I still find women attractive, and I am not attracted to any man (except for Brad Pitt, but that's a fantasy that will never happen), But, I am off the market, and that places all my dreams in the trash... The hope of having kids and a family of my own-- in the trash. Proving myself to be the hopeless romantic that I know I am/was-- in the trash. Providing my family with the resources that is necessary for us to survive and be happy-- in the trash. Giving my mom at least one grandchild-- in the trash. The last one hurts more than anything, cause if anyone deserves a grandchild, its my mom. But, here I sit, content in my decision.

Last Friday, I went to the beautiful wedding of my friends McKenneth, and Tiffany Angulo. It was held at a winery in Dahlonega, Georgia, and it was outstanding. The weather was perfect, the food was immaculate, the wines were AWESOME, and the company was even better than it all. So, during the tossing of the girdle and bouquet, I took part, like always, because I'm single, and that's what you do at a wedding. It was tossed, and guess who caught it-- the single guy who gave up on love all together. Yep... just my luck, "love" is going to slap me in the face soon... I call bullshit. But could that mean that I really deep down in side HOPE that I dont feel this way about love for real? I don't know... I am so sick and tired of being looked at as "a friend," or my personal favorite, when they say "You are a good guy!" Whatever the reason or the bullshit, I am not falling for it anymore. So, no matter what I am, no matter who I see and find attractive, I am done... I am done and there are a number or reasons why...

I have been shut down by every type of woman in every type of situation because of my beliefs and my stance on things in life. The Christian girl has to pray about it. The art girl just forgets who the fuck I am. The athiest is an asshole, and I have tried everything within my power to be one of those guys that can date anyone... I have laid down a few of my morals just to try to date and develop something with someone, but that blew up right in my face... There's the one that "isn't ready for a relationship " but was a VERY good kiss... There was the one who had a boyfriend on my birthday. All of these girls basically told me go to fuck myself in their own unique ways. After years of that, and the constant saying of "Because of your faith...," I am just done. Garnish me with some lemon and serve me to the masses. I have grown so tired of the bullshit song and dance act that is AT LEAST making yourself attractive to the opposite sex, that I give up on love!

"Once you stop looking, that's when you will fall in love." Well, I can tell you honestly that if love does make its way towards me, I do not know if I will be able to take it... I don't know if I will ever WANT it. She could be the most beautiful, amazing, precious blessing that God has hand picked and delivered to me, but I may just fuck up a good thing because of the fear that I know that I will do something consciously or subconsciously to fuck it up. I don't want that, and so I rather be a hardened stubborn single man for the rest of my life, than to have my heart broken or left confused ever again. I know that is not something so easy to accept, but that is what you are going to have to do. You are going to have to accept me for me. And who am I? I am Jarrett Hayes, and I am happily single, and not looking for anything. Love, lust, and like does not live here anymore. Nice to meet you.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

FINALLY a Moment to Give MY Thoughts

Well, its been a solid two weeks since I have been on any social media site, and I can honestly say, it feels damn good to actually look up news, and form an opinion without the help of asshole friends baking their cake and eating it too... It can seriously be just so damned annoying and frustrating to have someone force their opinions and or beliefs down your throat with the ideology that they are right, and you are wrong and try to stick it to you by calling you and your beliefs "stupid," or "ignorant," or "closed minded."  Now a days, those of us who are not assholes, actually have to watch what we say so we won't offend anyone and their beliefs or lack their of. It's not fair that one side has to be more careful than the other, but this is not the argument for this blog... This opinion is mines and mines alone. Read what I said-- "this OPINION is mines and mines alone." What does that mean? It means that what I will say will not be met by anyone's  rebuttal. I will not apologize for my opinion either, because I have kept my mouth shut for this long, and ya know what? Everything has its time and place, and here is mines.

It has been a debate that has been going on for about a year now and no one ever asked me for my opinion, because it has always been given to me. So here we go. My opinion on everything gay marriage related is this: I don't care. I am a Christian, and I know that in the Bible, Leviticus 20:13 to be exact, that "If a man lies with another man, as he does with a woman, is committing a detestable act..." So yeah! That's what it says in the Bible... can't argue the Word of God. But, that is in the Old Testament. When Jesus came to earth, he came to do the job that no other person could have done, and that was to give everyone a chance to be seen blameless before God. When Jesus died on the cross, he took too hell with Him, all of the sins that would make us unclean in the Eyes of God. With that being the case, he took with him murder, rape, cheating, lying, cussing  and of course, HOMOSEXUALITY!!! If Jesus did truly die for everyone, and gives EVERYONE a chance to get to know Him in an intimate way, what makes the gays any different than those who murder, those who steal, those who kidnap, those who have sex with more than one partner of the opposite sex? I don't see any difference. No matter how minor or major that you make a certain sin, in God's eyes, they are all the same. So if someone wants to kiss or have sex with someone of the same sex, that is no different than me cussing out my superior. No difference in me watching porn, and a man telling another man "I want you." So, that is what I have to say and believe. God loves us all that He sent His Son, My Savior, down to give us all a chance to be seen faultless in the Eyes of The Father.

I know that a lot of y'all probably don't believe what I believe, but, this is what I also believe: We all have to make choices in life each and every day of our lives. When I wake up in the morning, I have the choice to either hit the snooze button, or roll my fat ass out of the bed, and actually get started on my day. I have the choice to take a shower, or just get dressed and head out the door. I have the choice to either go to school, or stay home. I have more than one way to deal with stress. It is all my choice on what I do to relieve myself of said stress. With that said, I do believe that your sexual preference is a choice. Kill me now if you want to, I don't give a shit. Matter of fact a bullet to the head wouldn't be such a bad idea right now (seriously kidding). For example, Everyone's favorite gay brother who was protecting his sister has decided to go straight. Really! Read this! He decided that he wants to do whats right in the Eyes of God, and he wants a family... He CHOSE to change his life... A lot of people decide to try dating someone of the same sex if dating with the opposite sex didn't work for them. I have a friend who changed his life around, and isn't trying to live the destructive lifestyle he was leading. No one will ever just jump from one way to another. It is a process, and it takes work! I am not saying that they are right or wrong in their choices, but what makes someone so much more accepted for going from left to right, and not right to left? I believe that everyone has a choice and they make their choices according to however they want to live their life.  If someone decides to be gay, they are reprimanded by someone while everyone accepts them. On the other hand If you believe that you are born a certain way, then that means that every choice you make is a lie.

The only thing you have no control over when you are born is what name you are given, and the color of your skin. Other than that, as you grow, you develop your own personality, your own way of thinking, your likes, your dislikes, your ideas, your faith, everything is a lie, if you are born with anything other than the skin that you are in. I didn't birth loving rock music. I didn't birth finding women of other races more attractive than those of mines. I chose those things to enjoy. I chose to be a Christian. And I believe that your sexual preference is also a choice. Believe it or not, you choose what is attractive to you. To act as if its a genetic default is bullshit. Sorry. Call my bluff if you want, but I am not listening... These are my thoughts...

With all of that said, to have anyone say that someone is wrong for whatever they decide, or "believe that they were born with," is not right either... Seriously... before anything, we are all humans, and we are all fucked. no matter who you like, love, want or whatever, you are loved, and you should be able to love whomever you want. And no matter who you love, I know that God is smiling on you. He loves you, no matter what you decide. So, be you, and be happy. But don't make the excuse that you were born that way.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

One Year Off: Day 7

Well, that was fun! Honestly! I had a blast this weekend! I am indebted to Greg and Shanaria for the opportunity to learn on the fly in the making of what will be a great short film! I'm slow to actually post any pics, because I do not have permission to, and I do not want to do anything without the say so of the director, and producer, but there were a lot of pictures taken, and it was fun. I learned the importance of lighting, I learned the importance of time, and I made some new friends and connections along the way. I have gotten a taste of what my life will be for years to come, and trust me, its going to be great.

I am sold on just staying with post production, and do as much off set stuff as possible, but with the knowledge I gained in my camera work, and lighting, I feel SO far ahead of everything, that I am just thrilled of my future. Now, don't get me wrong, there were some really stressful times, but, in the end, it was all beneficial. The crew that I got the pleasure the work with are all talented, and driven like I am, and in that little group, I can tell you that movie making is in good hands. We will change the game and not recycle crap to make the easy dollar. People have to realize that all Hollywood is doing is taking one medium, and making it into another medium, and making the magic, letting it sit for a while, and allowing someone to destroy a classic. We will not allow to happen when we are making these films.

ALSO! I have gone to my first restaurant! I went to West Egg off of Howell Mill Rd. in Atlanta, GA. All I can say is WOW!!! The food was unbelievable. They serve breakfast all day, they have a nice lunch menu as well. Everything I saw on there was for the foodie in all of us. With a great view of the city, on a side of town where you can find just about anything to do, its great! I would definitely recommend it to everyone. Its not too vegan friendly, but it is definitely vegetarian friendly. I had the omelet which I had to build. I put bacon (of course) on there with Pepper Jack cheese, and mushrooms. It was very good! The price is about mid range, paying $9.25 for my meal. You definitely get your moneys worth. The biscuit was outstanding, and their grits are standard made with roasted garlic... VERY flavorful.

So yeah! That was my weekend, and Monday. It was great! This no Social Media thing is great! And texting and calling friends to see if they want to hang out, is better than any bullshit Facebook invitation where anyone says that they are coming out, and next to no one shows up. So, if you are in the middle of making a decision to either stay away or log off completely, I will encourage you to try it out. If you do decide to stay away for an extended period of time like I, more power to you! It has been fun so far! I will talk to yall soon!

Saturday, May 4, 2013

1 Year Off: Day 3

Well, today was the first day I worked on a movie set. So far, it looks like its going to be amazing! I had a lot of fun, and gotten to know the people I work with a lot better... It is just unfortunate, that I was late/didn't get a call sheet... But its ok, I know where and when to be anywhere tomorrow. But it is a fun time for sure. The cast is great from what I know, the crew are fabulous, and the director is definitely going to make his presence felt in the film industry. Outside of that, I have yet to get started on my first draft that has to be in on Monday... It's ok. as long as I do everything right, it should come out right. The only thing keeping me from actually getting it done is the fact that I cant fit together my ideas. Thank God for Dr. Hickman... if it wasnt for her, and her giving us the tools to actually know what to write, I would be screwed. But, I will have a lot of time to get it all done. Thank GOD!

I don't have any pictures to show, but I may have some tomorrow. This is going to be a fun weekend. I am so happy that God made this the path for me, because it allows me to be creative, and the more I learn, and the more I do, the sooner I get to allow my ideas, and creativity to show. Math is going great as well... I am so happy to have the teacher that I do. Andy Imm (pronounced like saying "em") is a great teacher! His method of teaching is that of someone who cares enough for everyone to make sure that they all get it, and he is doing just that. I still hate math, but I am getting it, and I will probably not like it at the end of it all... This quarter has been the most difficult yet. It has been a challenge, and I am glad to have it. I wasn't becoming complacent with school, and all the "A's" I have been making, but its great to know that I have to use my mind for the basics.

I will admit, I have had some funny thoughts that I should have shared, but I didn't  why? Cause, they are not for everyone! Not this time. And I can say that its entertaining the things that runs through my head. If you cant laugh at yourself, with yourself, or with others, you should just go ahead and die. Taking life too seriously can do damage to you... I know. Well, I have to be up in 4 hours, so I will leave. God bless. I will be updating again soon! Night guys!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

1 Year Off: Day 1

So, I did it. I finally decided to ween myself off of social media. I am doing this because it has become a distraction. I, for some odd reason, was made to wear my heart on my sleeve. And when I see my friends or family not happy, It makes me not happy... When I see my friends and family being assholes, I want to punch them. When I see my friends and family make accusations against or for religion or politics, I want to shoot them dead. After a while, all of that gets really annoying, and tiresome! So, I decided to say good-bye to social media for one whole calendar year. It's just unfortunate that I can't do it on a leap year, cause whats one extra day, right? So, whats the plan for me since I decided to give up on the repetitiveness of what social media has become? Well, I plan on doing a few things. Nothing is set in stone quite yet, but I do have one idea that is actually taking over everything else right now.

I would like to take a restaurant tour of Atlanta. I want to go to one of the many fabulous restaurants that Atlanta has to offer. This city, albeit big, is VERY small. Atlanta is no bigger than a minute, but it has a lot going on for itself. Only thing that this city really needs is a more reliable public transportation system, and a hell of a lot better highway system. But I digress... There are a lot of great restaurants in this city that I have only heard about in name, or have seen in passing or have read about, and I want to try them all. So, what I plan on doing is avoiding the spots that I LOVE to go to like just about every restaurant in Decatur. There are a few that I have not been to yet, or have actually eaten what is on the menu, but, near the end of this one year break, I hope to go and eat at all of the. With that in mind, that will eliminate Twain's (thankfully), Victory Sandwich Shop (Decatur and Inman Park), Six Feet Under, Ragin' Burrito, Brickstore, Mac McGee's, Square Pub (Thankful again), Leon's, Trackside, Parker's On Ponce, The Corner Pub, Taco Mac, Big Tex, and Thai Bowl... That's just in Decatur alone! I haven't even mentioned the restaurants in Oakhurst... But you get the idea, I am going to a lot of great places to expand my pallet.

I know a lot of these places will not be cheap, but I am willing to risk it just to see the city. There are plenty of restaurants that I have gone to but did nothing but drink there, or have had an appetizer, I will go to like The Optimist, JTC Kitchen, No. 246, to name a few, to enjoy their menus. So, this will be exciting and fun! And the purpose of this is to try the food, and also see the city, and make a few new friends, and just enjoy the city I have not liked since I have been here. So, this is the beginning of a journey. I am excited!

Another thing I am going to be doing is getting help... I have a lot of built up anger, frustration, feelings, and what not has started to get out of hand... the last few years have been hard to keep the facade up... a few of my friends have seen the change that has happened to me. I am still a nice guy, but I have a lot that I will need some help with. So, I will be looking for some support to make sure that I can live my life as free as possible. I also hope to get into shape. So, in the one year away from the prison that is social media, I hope to improve myself all around. I hope to also put my heart where it needs to be, in my chest. But, I believe that human interaction is what I need, and I cant wait to see how it all works out.