Tuesday, May 13, 2014

My Thoughts Of This Whole Thing...

The people who don't want to make history, but changes it, are remembered... The one's who make history for bravery, notoriety, or to make news, you are an asshole. I said it. We ALL want to be a part of history in one way or the other. We all want to be the first to do or be or witness; or the last to do or be or witness. But in cases as what is the hot topic of the day... sometimes, you look like a straight up asshole trying to puppeteer yourself into being something that should not matter. Before I continue, I just have something to say. I know that this will sound wrong, and hateful, but I promise you, it is not... On this blog, I have never shied away from my feelings, and I will not start doing that today. I am very supportive to all of my friends no matter their gender, creed, color, or sexual preference. They ALL know that I have their back when they are right, and when they are wrong. When they are wrong, I will check them on it... They are my friends, and my family, and I love them unconditionally... Now with that said, I am about to check some people for showing their ass...

A friend of mines on Facebook, went on a rant about how Tim Tebow can't get another shot in the NFL, because he is outspoken about his beliefs, and how Michael Sam is being celebrated for being the first "out" gay man in the league... Fine. Everyone has their own agendas. Me, I thought it was a great show of bravery, and happiness of one's self for him to come out... I saw the young man play football. He is an amazing athlete! Gay or straight or in between, that should never matters about his sexual preference. Someone's talent should always outweigh their lifestyle and life choices. But, as expected, the media is over hyping the situation and making it something bigger than what it should be.

You look around the media, from ESPN, to your favorite gossip blog spot, everyone has poured their heart and soul into something that shouldn't really matter... What Michael Sam did was create all this buzz about him by becoming the first gay man in a major collegiate sports program, is made the world about him, and not about the LBGT community. He decided to become an ambassador for himself! Yes, there are a million boys and girls who will look up to him and cast him as the godfather of the first to be, but he has done this for himself. The media is no better... A lot of people could not tell me his jersey number when he was as Missouri... A lot of people can't tell me what award he got last year because of his talents, without looking it up... But EVERYBODY can tell me and want to share the oh so beautiful and emotional reaction when he was selected to the Rams, sealed with a kiss with his partner. Truly a beautiful moment... But really? Why is this one celebrated more than the others? You all realize that Michael Sam isn't the only one who had a dream of playing in the NFL, right? You do realize that he isn't the only one to breakdown in happy tears, embracing his significant other, right? You also realize that he is not the only gay person to play in a league or association right? But the reason he is so special, is because he's the first to come out and say it proudly...

There is no difference in Michael Sam from JD Clowney (I would have typed "Jadeveon," but he wants to be known as JD from now on, so yeah.). Both of them are phenomenal athletes. Both of them have had success on the football field. Both are approachable and, from what I hear, fun to be around and very nice. But how will we ever know why Michael Sam was drafted? I know he was drafted for his talents... But for those of us who aren't football fans, see him drafted because hes gay. That saddens me like you wouldn't believe.

Who you love should never matter when it comes to your talents. But it matters because we are fed to believe that it matters. I don't give a shit if you are gay, straight or whatever. What SHOULD matter, and what should have mattered this entire time, is his talents. But because he wanted to bear this cross, It makes him out to be an asshole, and now, I gotta watch and hear each and every sports media make their claims and thoughts from the religious, to the liberal, and all claims in between... All of which could have been avoided, if only he didn't bring it upon himself to be outspoken... Now a days, if you are outspoken, you are doing it for attention... Rosa Parks just said "No.  Crispus Attucks was in the wrong place at the wrong time. " MLK Jr. said he had a dream. Gandhi went on a hunger strike. What did Michael Sam do? Come out... Seems legit. 

I do hope and pray that Michael Sam's career is long, prosperous and amazing. I do hope and pray that the fans of the sport will watch him for his talent, and not judge him for who he loves. I hope and pray that there will be maturity in the crowd as we send taunts his way for who he plays for and how he plays and not because he is gay. I hope and pray that he will remain mature and handle everything graciously and amazingly. And I also hope and pray that the new Rams fans, and the new fans from the LBGT community will be treated the same way as any other fan... just a fan! This is a new era of sports... Get use to it, but again, what could have just been a great day for one young man, his family and his significant other, goes to make him look like an asshole, and also makes the media go back to high school with the whole "look at what I support" mentality... I also hate the fact that we cant allow humans to be themselves. We have to support or acknowledge their lives as something "different" and not just love them for them. But ultimately... I get it. I love you no matter who you are, who you love, or whatever... don't make it about you! You have enough support to where you do not need to have to tell the world what you are. But hey! I am proud of you. Now lets see you make plays and not allow your lifestyle not be the center of it all. 

Friday, May 2, 2014

An 8 Hour Heart Drum Solo

Being in a weird head space is probably the most vivid and wide open you will ever be. In this mode, you can be willing to say yes, or no to just about anything. For the last 3 weeks or so, I have been sitting here trying to figure out what has been swimming through my head. To be honest with you, I do not know what is going on up there. Between music, movies, and the constant convincing that I don't matter, but I do matter, its been tough trying to settle my mind. Do I need emotional closure? Do I need a physical conversation followed by a hug? Fuck if I know!

I think that the addition of school has opened me up creatively, which opened me up to this weird feeling that I can't shake right now. It's not the worst thing going, but, its not the most comfortable thing either... Perfect example... Just last night, I had heart palpitations that went on all night... For some reason, when I drink something very cold, it feels like it gets stuck in my chest, and it basically freezes the capillaries... Usually, when I feel a brain freeze coming on, this is when it happens... So I'm almost finished, and I feel the freeze coming on... and then it triggers my heart doing an 8 hour drum solo. I was fine, but it's so uncomfortable. The only thing you can do is just keep breathing. That episode was an eye opener that I need to chill it out on the cold and the sweets... Anyways, that feeling is what it feels like in my head... WAY too much going on. Not sure what it is... It doesn't hurt, but its not comfortable... Could it also be some of the things I have seen in the last 3 months? Could it be an appreciation for myself, and also the artists that has entertained me live over the same time span? Not really sure... I just hope that it all settles down... Could it be my body trying to be happier than its limits? Is it yearning for something more from me? The things I need to find.

There is something I gotta learn. Something I gotta strive for... Not sure exactly what it is, but I can't wait. Goodnight.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

And......... I'm Back! ::cricket, cricket::

So, a year came and went, and I am now back on the social medias... I don't feel any different. Just thought I share. Goodnight.