Friday, October 29, 2010

Brain Scratcher

As I sit here today, as a member of this world, full of thought, free will, danger, stupidity, beauty, ugliness and amazement, I cant bring myself to think or conceive the thought, that man doesn't have something to believe in... As it is, in most cases, a lot of people base there faiths on whats seen... A lot of people base there faith on whats heard. A lot, base there's on whats tried, and a few, regardless of religion, they base there faith on what they felt inside... People are MADE to believe in something... everyone has to have a god of there own... It could be drugs, money, power, sex, music, whatever... We will always be lower than whatever we feel like we need. I am the first to admit, that I definitely love music... I even hold musicians to a higher standard... I could care less about there personal lives, but, that's not my god... My God happens to be this guy named Joshua bar Joseph... Some kid, that came to the world in a very mysterious way, born to the world, that the Magi believed came to the world for a special reason... They read it in the stars... few years later, He claims to be the Son Of God... and to the displeasurement of his own people, wanted Him dead... and paid the price on the cross, that THERE books said, that one day, That that glorious day would happen... They tried to hide the truth, But, the truth was reviled, and He is real. To me, He is the truth... He is what I fallow... but like with anything, that we hold up, we don't do it every day, or listen to it, every day... Just like them, I don't pray every day... I don't go to church, I hate church... I hate hypocritical assholes that claims that they are going to the same place as I... I believe that I'm going to see my Grandma, my cousin, and everyone else that believes like I, again. But, I am flawed, and I accept my flaws... I cuss a lot, I watch porn, I drink a little too much every now and then, and yet, I know that my God still forgives me, he still loves me, and that's the beauty of my faith... he allows me to decide, even when I know whats right and whats wrong. Why would I want to fallow anything else? Music changes! I have so many different favorite sounds, more than one favorite band... Sometimes, the beer is cold, sometimes, its warm, it does the same thing to me, but its not what I need every day. First time this week since Friday, I haven't touched alcohol... Porn, is the same thing over and over and over again... yet, I still come back... different porn stars and wannabes doing the same basic human act, and doing it nastily... but it doesn't satisfy... And even though I cuss like a sailor at times, I can hold my tongue pretty well... But without faith, we are pointless... and to say that you are faithless, you are full of shit... everyone has to have something to believe it... something bigger than them... But, that's brings a question on which, I will close this blog... Whats bigger than you, to you?

Thursday, October 28, 2010


When I heard this band for the first time, it was almost like a day, like today... the rain was subsiding, and yet, another beautiful melody, and song, caught my attention... This weeks song comes from a band known as "The Antlers." I would describe this band, as a band who has a lot of visions through sound... Most of the songs on there album "Hospice," which this weeks song comes from, has lyrics that are very quiet but amazingly strong... All of the songs on the album is a one word title, with maybe 2 or 3 of them having more than one sylable... I was very impressed with this album... To me, its like listening to a dream that you had... something incredible, strange, and wild, yet exciting. Such an adventure... The song off this album, that I picked to be the "Song Of The Week," is the first song, this year, that made my jaw drop... It starts off with hummed vocal tracks holding melody and harmony, as a the song soothes you with a warm feeling, until the lyrics of hurt from relationships, comes into play... And then the instruments come in... But the beautiful part to this song comes after the lyrics "Letting people in." As you hear the beat take like a heart pounding affect, which fits the song so well, after you wake from a dream... Its a beautiful 8 1/2 minute journey, into learning what how to love the ones who claims to love you, and accepting it as well. :) This is DEFINITELY one of my favorite songs, and I am happy to share it with you today... without any further delays, I give you "Wake," Performed by "The Antlers," On there album entitled "Hospice." :) Enjoy

Monday, October 25, 2010

A hug a day...

It's nights like tonight, that makes me so happy that I am the person that I am today... Tonight, I had the blessing of sharing, not only many a laugh and funny moment with my brothers and sisters of the "Deadly Alliance," but I had the privilege to talk, and share, and get deep, with 3 of the most beautiful people, that God allowed me to fall in love with tonight... With a lot of laughs, and a lot of sexual tension there (normal for everyone in the service industry). But it was all in good fun. During the time with the 3 souls, I talked to them about the dichotomy of straight and gay guys, and how they act around, and with straight women... I don't agree that they should get away with touching them, with no penalty, as straight guys do... I don't care of your sexual nature, I don't agree with how certain people get away with doing things... We talked about respect, and we talked about some "what if" sexual things, and then, I dropped a bombshell. They didn't believe me when I told them, I was a virgin, but, its true, and I'M not ashamed... And then, we got into the subject of love for those who doesn't deserve it... like my dad. My relationship with my father, is very strange, and weird... The last time, I saw him, my cousin Valton got married. The relationship, as it is, has been and always, probably be strained, due to lies, dislike, misunderstandings, and just all around stubbornness... As much as I don't like the guy... I love him! He made me... He is the reason why I am alive... I cant deny that, I cant deny God of the blessing of me, being here, cause of him... but, that's how it is... That's where our relationship stands... and Im ok with that... I told my new friends that, and they were just wowed... I can understand there reaction. Who, in the world, would ever say, that they love there father, who, to them, is a dead beat? Thats what God calls me to do... No where in the bible does it says, that I have to like him, or even love him... I do have to honor him, and I ask you... Whats a better way to honor ones father, than just to be? I do honor him, but not embarassing the name that bears my blood, or the name that is given to me... I try not to at least. And as I looked into there eyes, and explained who I was, I can tell, that one of them, was really touched, cause, they were going through the same song and dance act as I was with my shitty sperm donor... The individual, who was absolutely beautiful, was touched, as I found out that they didnt even know there father... This person asked me after I came back from the bathroom "What should I do? Should I try to get to know my father?" And my answer was pretty simple... I told them "If you want to, then do it... but if you dont, its ok..." I can tell that they were touched, as the tears was fought off valiently... But I was trying to be honest with them... And I want to be honest with you as well! If you are looking to repair, mend, or just find a means for a relationship, then go and find them, and just give your peace... if you get emotional, make sure, that you have a cap on it... dont do anything, that will NEVER embarass the name of the one who made you who you are... Be proud of who raised you, and who helped allow you to be birth to this world... After the emotions, and the conversation... the alcohol started to take over, and I won 3 dance battles tonight... dont ask me how, but I did... I was awesome... and I did my thang... I ended up doing push-ups, and yes... I was slightly inibriated. lol And, before, during, and after, the person that was touched the most, was given a hug... not usually a huger, they are, but this person, in my eyes, needed it. And I think, they knew they needed it, although they arent the "touchy feely type." But, smiles, and alcohol can mask pain, but one, who can feel the actual pain, can DEFINITELY fix it... even if a bit. :) Tonight was fun... Tonight was necessary. And tonight, is the reason, I believe that God has me where I am, right now. I am blessed, and I am happy to be the man I am today. :) God knew what He was doing... especially when He had me, and an old friend and 4 new friends, talking about "The Build-A-Bear Male Escort Service." Jonathan, thinks IM playing when I say this, but I am going to make us all rich with that idea... lol Anyways, its time to sleep. Thanks for listening. :) Goodnight.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Take Your Time.

My Uncle, Dr. Billie Ingram, who is a well respected pastor in the Los Angeles area, gave me some great words of encouragement this morning. It was exactly what I needed to hear... If you know me, you know that I never really show any emotions of frustration that often... I have also been told that I dont hide it very well either. lol... Anyways, I try my hardest to be the most patient person I can be... Patience is a virtue, a weight, a burden, a gift, a curse, a mountain, a flight of stairs, a reason to be happy, a reason to be mad, and most importantly, patience is a true emotion. Patience is not something that you can just dial up, and order, and have it at your doorstep in about 45 minutes... Its a life enhancer... As Dr. Ingram puts it:

"In the Bible, patience is not a passive acceptance of circumstances. It is a courageous perseverance in the face of suffering and difficulty; it is an unwillingness to cave in, give up, throw in the towel, surrender or say uncle while under pressure. Immature people are always impatient; mature people are patient and persistent. Impatience and unbelief usually go together, just as faith and patience do. Shalom!"

If there is ever a reason to start the day off great, to start a weekend off right, HELL! To finish out a month, what he says here, is it. Patience is the energy drink to hard work... Hard work gives way to rewards, and completions... if you do everything the right way, dont cut corners, and just wait, what you recieve will be bigger than what you expected... I have made a lot of choices in my life that I hope, and know that one day, will be worth it, and sometimes, it makes me nervous especially in todays society... Todays society is all about the right now, and being in the moment... No one is willing to wait for the ultimate goal of happiness. Everyone wants the persuit of happiness... Patience is the necessary necessity to get us through the day, cause, patience is also the oxygen of faith. Faith is practiced by everyone, every day, every minute... How? Easy... Do you really think about breathing? Do you think about the chair youre sitting in? No? well, thats because, you are practicing faith, that your lungs will function the way they are to, and that the engineer of that chair you are sitting in, know what the hell he was doing... Faith is ultimately, the by product of patience... faithfulness to your Supreme, faithfulness to the ones you love and adore, will give you all you need to be patient. Dealing with those different personalities, laughing at there stupidity, and there crappy ass jokes, helping them through whatever situation, and pain they are facing, telling them the truth about themselves of there current trends, if you can deal with that, you have faith that the friendship will always work... Patience is worth the wait, and that is true. Finding fulfillment in life is worth the wait. :)


this weeks song is a dozy! lol Ive heard this song for the first time at work, and was searching feverishly for who the artist was... So, after about 2 months, I found out who they were, put in a back order at my favorite CD store, and another 2 months later, picked up the album, which is pretty freaking good! The name of the song is called "My Car Is Haunted," performed by The Royal Bangs. Its a song that has a LOT going on with it... theres cowbells, tambourines, computers, keyboards, drums, double-tracked vocals, and a full band... this 5 piece masterpiece, is pretty awesome, and a great band to put on in a DJ set, if he wants to keep the party going. I really don't know what else to say about it, cause, this song speaks for itself. :) So, with no further delays, I give you "My Car Is Haunted." :) Enjoy

Sunday, October 17, 2010


I promise Imma get back to my to my regular thursday spot when it comes to my song of the week, but this week, I have the opportunity to share with you, 2 versions of the same song... I have always loved the blues, and I didnt realize how much the blues has influenced a lot of my favorite artists today... It wasnt until I saw the movie "Cadillac Records," that I started to appreciate the blues and its lasting imprint on music today. This weeks song comes from the original, and from the woman who played the legend in the movie... Etta James is the original bad girl of music... with a broken home, alcohol and drug abuse, and a mouth that will shock the devil himself, you can tell that the pain in every word was real... "I'd Rather Go Blind" is portrayed in the movie as the last song recorded in the presence of the founder of legendary "Chess Records," Lenard Chess, as he decided to give up the recording business, and lead a quiet life with his family... Wasnt able to do it, as he died of a heart attack as he left the studio... But, anyways, this song is song beautifully by both Ms. Etta James, and Beyonce'... You can never go wrong with the original, but the way Beyonce' sings the song, it just adds to what is already beautiful... so, heres what Imma do... I will post both versions of the song, and I hope you enjoy both as I do... Beautifully sung in pain... :) Without further delay, I give you, from Etta James, and Beyonce' Knowles, "I'd Rather Go Blind." Enjoy!

Thursday, October 14, 2010


The most fun I had this year, happened this past weekend. Why this one over any other weekend with friends, and family, and all that good stuff? Because, it was one, long in the making... Me and my friend Powell, have been, for the 2 years that I have worked at Twain's, talking about going to a football game together... and this past weekend, we did such a thing... it was a fun time for sure... we left midday Friday, and got to my grandmothers house that afternoon, in Sumter, South Carolina... After sitting, and talking, and a power nap, it was time to party with my boy, in my hometown... So, after a Friday night full of alcohol, seeing former friends, now current assholes, and laughing and talking, and understanding that I have the worlds most understanding, and loving Grandmother, I got some sleep. Getting up early to try to make it to College Gameday, was DEFINITELY out of the plans... I work up feeling like I got ran over by a push-powered lawnmower... NOT cool... but, I woke up, did everything that i could to satisfy my superstition, then it was off to Williams-Brice Stadium that Saturday... a quick stop by Bojangles, made all the different... although, the alcohol was still swirling around inside, I knew it was going to be a long day, but a great one... After the hours of taking in the sights and sounds of the game day atmosphere of Williams-Brice Stadium, and South Carolina, I just knew that October 9, 2010, was going to be a very special day... after taking Powell, all around Columbia, it was beyond an honor to tell him, "Welcome to Williams-Brice Stadium. Home of the South Carolina Gamecocks." after standing around trying to find a break from the sun, we worked our way--ALL the way up to our seats, where, it was staring to fill up with Alabama Fans... Some of them were cockier, than us Gamecocks about there team, and what not, but for the most part, it was a pleasure to share the say with them... It was a welcomed relief from that bitch back in 2005, who would have gotten me fired, if it wasn't my last week at the job, at the time... Fuck her, and everything she think she is... Anyways, The game was played, and it was magical! The atmosphere, the people, the sounds, everything about it was just what the doctor ordered, and what Emily gave us. :) I cant thank her enough for allowing me and my homeboy Powell to have the weekend to enjoy it all, but, I am truly in debt to her, and it was amazing... After the the game, it was back to Decatur... The ride back was fun, just like the ride up... full of music, and laughs, cause ultimately, its just a game, and I was there to enjoy a great game, with my best homeboy. :) Thanks Powell, for sharing it with me. You rule the world. But, the kicker of the weekend was my friend Davidyals wedding... It was interesting to say the least, cause, outside of what we individually believe, it was something to behold... I finally heard her sing, and it was mesmerizing... It was something I never witnessed, but, glad that I did... I love you Davidyal, although you don't believe, I hope and pray that God above holds you and Brandon together forever. :) It was the greatest weekend ever... Its going to be hard to top, but there are many more weekends for me to enjoy, and I cant wait. :) Moving on...

Sunday, October 10, 2010


This weeks song, comes from Coheed & Cambria... Imma make this short, cause, The song says it all. For those who don't know, I was in South Carolina this weekend, to see The Gamecocks, play The Alabama Crimson Tide, and the end-result was that my Gamecocks defeated the then #1 team in the nation, who has destroyed opponents dating back to the start of the 2008 season... Mark Ingram won The Heisman trophy cause of the rushing day he had against my Gamecocks last year... But between him and Trent Richardson, who's considered the best running back tandem in the nation, were stopped cold for only 64 yards... but with the 7 sacks that my gamecocks had on Greg McElroy that accumulated a loss of 28 yards, the net yardage for there running game, was 34 yards... Amazing... But enough of all the stats... "Here We Are, Juggernaut" was, literally, a song that has been stuck in my head, knowing that will were playing a team that had a 19 game win streak going, and 18 straight conference wins as well... so, this team was huge! Full of talent, full of potential, and there line of work was proof of why they were the #1 team in the nation... And my boys, came in, and took them down. All game long, we just systematically, and artfully took them down, and it was awesome to witness... This song, in the bands eyes, was there take on the fame they have gained over the years they have been together as a band, and how they have persevered through adversity... And to them, fame is the Juggernaut, that they aren't taking for granted... if you have met these guys, you can tell, they do not take fame for granted... very humble, very sweet, nicest guys ever. Honestly! But, just like my Gamecocks, we respected who was coming to our house... We knew who we had to stop, and for 3 hours on October 9th 2010, my Gamecocks took down the juggernaut, that was named, Crimson Tide... :) Here's a health, Carolina! Forever to Thee... Enjoy!

P.S. I lied when I said it was going to be short... oh well, what ya gonna do?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

BIG FAN!: Through the eyes of a big fan Chapter 1.

Maybe I'm maturing beyond my years, maybe I just mellowed out, or maybe, I just don't give as much of a shit, as I use to, but, I think, that my maturity as a fan of sports, has shown itself in more ways than one... I use to allow a loss of my all-time favorite team, to ruin my weekend, or week... but, now, it doesn't even bother me... If they loss, Ill talk about why they did, how they did, or whatever, then, after that, its on to the next game, on to living life. Most fans here in the south, regardless of team they cheer for, allows there week or weekend be made by the actions on a field... All the fans can do is hope, and pray... its on the players if they wanna win or not... They are the ones out there, sweating, and working hard to try to defeat the opponent they are going to see, or coming to see them... They are the ones who determines the outcome of a sport... not God, not any superstitious ritual, regardless of how fun, or helpful, or sad they may be... Me and an older gentlemen, a week ago, had a nice conversation about fandom in all its glory... How, fans now a days, aren't really fans of the sport, but fans of trying to gain nerves and make a jackass of themselves, to appease themselves, there so-called, douche bag friends, and think that they are funny... What ever happened to going to the game, TO ENJOY THE FUCKING GAME?! What happened to just enjoying your team, as they win or loose accordingly... I don't mind people having fun, or drinking, but when they turn into mindless assholes, for the sake of being mindless, or an asshole, that's when, I don't believe or like the fans, or whatever team... Fans are to appreciate the teams they like, have few but semi-non hurtful words for the opponents, who are all fat with egos, cause THEY coached there teams to be that good... yeah... the fuck-tards sitting in the section right beside me, has all the right to cheer on there boys, cause they were there through it all... the recruiting, the home visits, the calls, the weight training, the film study, the meetings in the coaches offices, the checking of the grades... yeah. they were ALL there... that's bullshit... JUST CHEER FOR YOUR TEAM, AND I WILL CHEER FOR MINES, AND AT THE END, WE WILL LIVE LIFE... Until then, do me a favor, sit down, shut the fuck up, and don't touch me. ENJOY THE GAME SIR!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Where faith lies...

Its more evident, moreso now a days, that man, likes to have there faith lie in man, and on the words man says, and not on things that arent seen... With the aligations placed on Bishop Eddie Long, it just goes to show that man, isnt trust-worthy at all... Its easy to believe man, but, is it easy to believe what they try to teach you? Is it worth falling in faith because of one man? Is his teachings worth your soul? Trusting man, without questioning intentions, logic, or even if what they are teaching is vital to life... Man hates to be told what to do, but loves the names that do tell them how to live life. Instead of man just leading us, to do right, and to warn us if we continue to go down the path we are currently traveling, we allow them to rule us... although we may have the freedom in politics, religion, assembly, and what not, we can't break the spell, of our dependence on man, as if they are our best friend... Now, the nature of man, is simple... we want everything, and we dont care who we beat down to get what we want... we always want to do whats wrong, for our own gain, our pleasures, our desires, whatever... Sometimes, we fall for the "love of man" so hard, that we abandon everything that we have been tought from birth... When you sit back and think about it, how many lies did your family tell you? How many secrets have they kept from you? Do you know of the losses before or after you? Do you know the sacrifices that they have done for you? Have they been honest when they told you? Are you sure? So, that kinda puts a bend in the whole love condition dont it? A great speeker, and philosopher said it best when it comes to love. Paraphrased, he said, that, no one knows what true love is, because, we are all conditioned to like, and dislike, certain things... if we were to really love, we would love everything, and everyone equally and without bias... again... its paraphrased, but its an enlightening word from J. Krishnamurti... If man, gets you thinking, and wanting to dig deeper into whatever it is, that they are saying, then its definitely from the heart. The heart, is the last trusted muscle of the human body... And even that, is starting to turn black, just like the hearts of everyone whos been hurt by man, in the many different forms of pain given by mans fears... just keep an eye out for yourself, and question everything.

Friday, October 1, 2010

::incert head-shake here::

Oh Friday nights... The temperature changes for the cool, the kids are running all around the new metal bleachers, and you cant really pay attention to the game, cause, you watch every MTV show happen in front of you, at the game... Tonight, I decided to go and witness a high school football game, for the first time in over 5 years... last time, I did, I was coaching, and left with the feeling of killing a kid or 2... Thank God, I never acted on those feelings, but, the stress, the accidents, and tickets, were enough to allow me to move on from that profession... I love learning what will and will not work for me. :) Easiest way to grow... But tonight, seeing 2 familiar faces, and a bunch of the same things that make me thank God EVERY FUCKING SECOND I am not in high school anymore... But it wasn't all bad. I got to sit down, and enjoy a pretty decent game from 2 pretty decent teams, although the score says otherwise, it was a thoroughly enjoyable game... The Patriots of Mt. Pisgah Christian School, took on the Golden Bears of Holy Innocents High school, and it was good to just see pure football again... the bad calls, the great catches, the hits, the weather, all of it... amazing. But, while talking to the father of one of the kids that I coached at Mt. Pisgah, I was explaining to him, why I hate some of these rules set for high school football... One rule, that I know is prevalent in Georgia is that after the score is separated by 35 points, they allow the clock to run... so, you literally play 12 minutes... And, I don't agree with that... what is the lesson that the kids should learn? Cause that's not sportsmanship... that's bullshit! So, if the score is 35-0 they will just run the clock... I don't like it at all... how are those kids to learn how to tough it out when the world is beating you down? How are you to teach the kids, how to win with grace, and allow your teammates to have a chance to gain experience? I just don't like it at all when rules are made to keep kids from learning how to deal... Maybe about 7 years ago, Georgia made a rule that said, if the state championship game ends in a tie, then it ends in a tie... Reason why they made that rule, is because, as the story goes, a young man, who was a kicker for one of the teams in the championship game, (I don't have the details, but you can probably look it up), missed a game winning or tying field goal, and ended up loosing the game... later that night, committed suicide... so, they made a rule that said, that, if it ends in a tie, its a tie... over one kid who couldn't huff it... really? now, I don't mean to sound insensitive, but seriously!? That is crap... since then, the rule has been revised, but its just not pure football... like, if the ball goes out of the end zone on a kickoff, there is no return possible... its dead, and the ball goes on the 20. so, they cant return it or down it? They just stop the game so they can set it up? but, when its on the one, they can return it? WHAT?! I just don't get it... who are they trying to protect? I mean, they have on pads, and a helmet, totally upwards to 25lbs, not to mention, they a coached to play as safe as possible, so, why not allow the boys to fly around? KIDS ARE INDESTRUCTIBLE!!!! Tell me, when you watch kids, as they run free, they don't get hurt... they bump there heads, get up, and laugh and run again... they fall down stairs, laugh, and get up, just to do it again... they jump off of roofs, with umbrellas, trying to slow there fall, not knowing it wont, and back at it... run into walls, and making breakfast the next morning... so, for these rules are not protecting the kids, they are soaking the mothers worn out vaginas... They are made so they can sleep easier at night... and I think its bullshit... LET THE BOYS PLAY!!! that's all I'M saying...


so yeah... last week, was too long to even think about the blog, but its a new week, and new music has been coming in and out of the record stores on my dime... this weeks song comes from Dave Sitek of TV on the Radio... He stands out in the group, cause, hes the only member that isn't black. HEH! but anyways, his side project is called Maximum Balloon, and its a GREAT album (self titled)! And it starts off strong with this seeks song, which is titled "Groove Me." This song, is exactly what is great about the overall band that is "TV on the Radio." Kyp Malone, has his side project called "Rain Machine." Tunde Adebimpe, is acting, and Dave is making the noise, and honestly, its amazing, that these 3, out of the 5 members of the band, can make such beautiful music together, and separately... With every song featuring a singer from either the band, or from another band... and it blends beautifully with there different talents... so, I highly recommend you picking up this album... but with no further delay, "Groove Me," by Maximum Balloon. Enjoy :)