The Weight Of My World

Would you blame me if I went crazy? If instead of talking out my feelings, as dark as they may or may not be, I actually acted upon the saying "I gonna shoot you in the left eye?" Would you find it funny, or scary if I did actually do something? Would your view of me change, if I did actually decide to allow my emotions to overflow, and I do actually bring harm to someone or myself? I don't know what would happen, but I know that I NEVER want to ever be that guy. The last time, I actually allowed my emotions to get the best of me, I ended up saying something to someone that I should have never said, but, she had it coming at the time, and after the damage was done, I'm surprised, I still have friends. LOL But, what if I did decided that the day to go crazy was tomorrow? Would not be a good day. Would people still take advantage of me, if they saw me blow up? Would they rethink there love, or appreciation of me? What if I didn't bottle up all my emotions, would I be a better person? Would I be the same person? Would I smile a lot, to mask the war within? Would I laugh at everything like I do now? Would people respect me more? Would the ladies think of me of more than just a friend? Its all types of fucked up to think like this, but, this is what swims through my mind... EVERY THOUGHT MUST GO! Right? Well, I hope I never become that guy... I want to be the same guy that respects all, and is stubborn about my choices in life... I LOVE the pangs of life... I love the emotions that comes with the everyday. I love being frustrated, and not able to say a damn word at times... I love not being willing to allow anything to try to alter my views, thoughts, or social status... I am happy of who I am right now, and probably will be happy for the rest of my God given days. Although the science says that people who holds it in, die sooner, if that's the case, Ill take it. But, the world will know that I died young, but satisfied, that I lived my life, the way I wanted to live it, and not the way someone else wanted me to live it. So, in my worst days, I would still rather be me, than someone else. Hope you take time to see that misery to one, is pleasure for other, and however they make their life go as smooth as possible. Think about it.