Negative Minus Subtraction

Being positive is a burden, it seems. But, this is all a part of the test, that is... This sucks so much. Being in this position, that, I wasn't expecting to be thrown in, and it seems that the best medicine is to be negative. It seems as if everyone is suppose to be on this all-happy, the world is great type of mentality. But what does this over-exposure to happiness teaches us? Teaches us the delusion of positivity... Not to be a debbie downer (pun SO intended), but life isn't real, unless you go through some shit, and lucky me, Ive gone through a TON of it, and still am. And, I find it easier to just be depressed, than to "go out and make something of yourself!" Sometimes, its just easier to just allow life to go full circle, before trying to make it all better... as much as I would like to have a new career/job, its probably easier for me to just stay where I am and just wait all of this out... searching, has become fruitless, and full of nothing at the end, so, I will just count my small blessings in misery, and just continue to live life, as if it will, eventually, get better. Its easier, than straining myself to get to the top... Ill just stay here. I'm content. for now... things may change in a week, or a month, or even later in the year... but, right now, all I want is to just get through this. So, if I don't smile, or laugh, or seem or appear happy, I'm not. How long will this last? Not sure... Would I like for this to end soon? YES! But, I'm willing to just try to make it through. So, here we go, through tunnels, and rain.