Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Just A Little Help...

I'm special. I'm brilliant. I should be a professor. Things my Aunt have told me today when I took the, nearly, 2 hour drive to Stone Mountain, GA from Acworth... I have to take the back roads, because I need tires... But I guess we will start from the beginning of everything...

Yesterday. woke up to a missed call from my aunt, with a message stating "Give me a call when you get this." I did... She wanted to talk... not over the phone... So, automatically, I hate the day... If there is anything that I absolutely hate, its having to go to Stone Mountain... Stone Ass, Bullshit Mountain... Now, if it wasn't for the mounting car issues, I wouldn't have a problem with the trip, but because I have balding tires, desperate need for a tune up, and keeping an ever watchful eye on my gas tank as it drinks gas as if its free... Since these are my issues now, going anywhere further than Atlanta takes patience, prayer, and strategy... Even the Valentine's Day party I went to wasn't the easiest decision to make, but it wasn't a 1 hour and 46 min drive to that...

Anyway... I get down there, FINALLY, and all she did was talk to me... I haven't had a talk like this since high school... it wasn't a lecture, it was a "refocusing," if you will. Long-short, I have been looking for a job for the last month and a half, and had some close calls, and one actual hire, but, I couldn't do it for how much they were going to pay. I am not above any job, but working a full time job for less than minimum wage... Not worth it. So, I have been looking for a while. So, my Aunt brings up my age, my abilities, and what I need to do in order to get a job... I don't have a problem with it, but they aren't helping me find a job in my field of study... Right now, that doesn't matter, cause, I need money. I need to make money to catch up on bills, get back in school (only have 4 more classes to go), and graduate...

Right now, its all about working. I have to put my dreams on hiatus even longer... If it was as easy as my aunt made it out to be to just get back into school, I would have by now. The dream situation would be to find a job in the field, and work, make money, and gain skills that way... Right now, I have like 6 people trying to find me a job that requires me to LOOK the part, "I know you're bright. I know you are really smart, but I wouldn't hire you, cause you look homeless." These are the words from my aunt. Now, mind you, I don't mind keeping myself up, but it is so hard to when there is no reason to.

I believe that the outward appearance to the world is up to their interpretation. I can't change the worlds view of me, but guess what... Killers wear suits too... Thieves have been wearing suits since the beginning of time... So, because I don't look like someone of value goes to show that you don't want to get to know me for me. Some things I can change... I can change my weight, I can change my  style. I can change my mind, but when it comes to changing my personality for acceptance, NOT gonna happen...  But here's my reality... Everything that I have, everything that was going well, isn't anymore... Since I made the decision to quit my job at The Aveda Institute, it hasn't been easy. Yes. I made the choice to quit. I put my sanity and happiness above the money. I do not regret the decision, but I wish that things could have been better to where I didn't have to struggle like I am right now... If I was still there, would I be happy? Would I be alive? I don't know... But right now, I am miserable in a new town that I have yet to explore... things gotta change, and I have the power. The only thing that I need now, is the direction... God help me.


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