Friday, August 14, 2015

Just Give Me A Minute!

Guys, I'm tired... I am exhausted. I am done. This summer, this year, this month, this life, can't end any faster... Every time you blink your eyes, someone's offended... Every time you breathe, someone's standing up for something... Every time I look to my left, you're wrong. Every time you turn your head to the right, you're a retard... Every time you stand up, you're not allowed to think for yourself. Every time you sit down, you're giving up. I. AM. FUCKING. TIRED!!!!

I am tired of being angry, I am tired of being too black, not black enough, wrong for thinking outside the box, right to someone for one SMALL thing I said, all the while missing the big picture in why I said whatever it is I said. I can't like certain things. I can't love other things. I can't speak my mind, I can't hold my tongue... IT IS EXHAUSTING TO BE A HUMAN  BEING IN THE YEAR 2015!!! Even worse, its IMPOSSIBLE to be a passive black man in 2015. I am so damn tired of all the anger, all the one-sidedness, all the "should be's" and the "expectations" that comes with being what the outside says I should be. I just want to go to work, make my money, go out and hang with my friends when I can, go home, and get some rest, just to do it all over again. I don't need to be angry. I don't need to be sick. I don't need to be tired... I just want to sit a few series out, but of course, "consciousness" won't allow it. why is it so wrong to just want to be human? Why do I have to be black? Why do I have to put myself in a box? I just want to be a human.

I feel that I am too old for this shit. I feel that I am just wasting valuable energy TRYING to be something that I'm not... My dog died a month ago... I was pissed off at the vet that we went to, because if her condition was so bad, they could have suggested a 24 hour emergency vet... But no. I drive home, I get a text, I walk in the house, and I see my sweet girl, dead in my mom's room, and I'm pissed off at the vet. Not only am I to be pissed off at the vet, I got to hate the police. I gotta defend a motherfucker that I don't know. It is SO TIRING to have to fight all the fucking time! It is literally killing me, to have to turn on the TV and see another black person being killed by those who's sworn to serve and protect. You know what June was fought over... a flag... A FUCKING FLAG. No... let that sink in... The nation... NATION. THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, was in an uproar over a FUCKING..... FLAG!!!!!! They were not pissed off at the fact that a young man took advantage of the kindness of a church full of people who opened their doors and hearts to this young man... no... We were supposed to be pissed off because of a fucking flag. Fuck me right in the frontal lobe.

This nation is soooo quick to be pissed at "things," and not the body. Oh! And fuck you for being a forgiving soul. ITS TIME TO MALCOLM X THIS BITCH!!!!! ENOUGH WITH THE MLK, APPROACH!!! IT'S TIME FOR ACTION! Why!? I'm tired! It does not affect me! It should not affect me! Why? I'll be more than tell you... No one wants to look back in time, and actually see the progress that has been made in civil and human rights... No one wants to see the laws that was in place, that would have had my great grandfather, a white man, put in jail for a long time for having 3 beautiful daughters, one of which is my grandmother. no one wants to see that the killing of freedom fighters is now a crime where "time served," is no longer valid. The things done to blacks and whites who were apart of the civil rights movement, back then had a a HELL of a lot worse than any of us do today. But yet, we have to be angry and pissed and ready to fight all the time... NO. I'm sitting this one out. I am done trying to appease every other black person. I am done trying to be conscious! I just want to live out the rest of my days on the sidelines, as I hope and pray (which is also something I can't do either, cause, FUCK GOD, RIGHT?!) that shit will right itself one day soon. Love wins, no one's happy... That fucking flag that made everyone lose their fucking minds came down... no ones happy... This nation has been fighting for 93% of the time that its been a nation... why can't we all just take a fucking break, and enjoy some pizza, tacos, and Chinese!? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

 I just want some peace amongst my friends, and my fellow man! I just want to sleep peacefully! I'M GONNA TAKE A NAP! I just don't want to fight anymore. I'm done! Let me be me, and love me for me, and not for what I am, what I should be, or what I think... ALLOW ME TO BE THE INDIVIDUAL THAT I HAVE GROOMED MYSELF TO BE! Is that too much to ask? Its like I have to fight, just to stop fighting... THIS SHIT IS TOO DAMN MUCH!!!!

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