Wednesday, January 28, 2015
A Letter To Myself, From Myself.
By the time you read this, you will be a man. You will be someone who had to learn about life the hard way, and someone who will appreciate why, after 31 years, you have become the man you were meant to be. I can tell you that there will be more times than not, that you will allow "self-doubt" to win over your heart. You will constantly second guess yourself, you will take the lazy approach, and you will, for some odd reason, think that the world will owe you. But trust me, all of the pangs, and shit that comes with your life, you will be amazed at the people you will meet.
Your family will love you, and you will love them... but you will love them more, from a distance. You will rarely call them, you will rarely connect with them, but when you do, they will know, and you will know, that they love you for you. There will be amazing people that will come in, and leave your life, just as fast as they came in, There will be heart break, heart ache, and dealing with assholes of all shades of shit... But we will get to that later.
Your first memory will be of your dad smoking in the car with you... By this time, you will never want to try marijuana, ever... and trust me. It will be a hot subject when you grow up. You will not advocate it, you will not abide by it, but you will be near it, more than not. The first major thing that happens to you, according to mom, is that you had a seizure when you were even younger. She wont tell you that, until you are 19. Then, there's Rebecca... When you meet her, she will take your innocence. You will do your best not to allow that to make you, but trust me... you will need to get some help... That is on the to-do list for me... You will be bullied a lot as well. When you are about 6 or 7 or so, you will have neighbors that are just complete fuck tards. Not nice people. Fuck them. Also, your first Hurricane happens September 19, 1989. But I am rambling... Let me give you some advice...
When you get older, you will finally feel yourself out. You will accept that you like what you like, hate what you hate, and try your best to do something about it. But remember this, if anything at all... LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. There will be times, when you see yourself in a picture, and you call yourself a "moo cow." There will be times, where your family will honestly look at you, and compare yourself to everyone else that is doing better than you... Fuck that noise. MAKE YOUR PATH. Be you. Be happy with yourself. Love EVERYTHING about you. Love your flaws, love your man titties. EVERYTHING about you. Just love it. If you feel its time to change it... do it. Do it because YOU want to. Don't do it because the health nuts, and the texts always says that you should... do you, for you, when YOU are ready. I give this to you now, wishing that I could have heard this when you become 12... But you don't... The only advice that someone will give you is probably the greatest words you will ever here... Mrs. Fetner, LOVELY woman, will look you dead in the eyes, and tell you "Don't grow up." Seriously... don't... it is a trap. Being an adult is the worse decision of you life.
One thing your mother will do, is instill manners. These will be your saving grace as you grow older. Respect is something that you will give, no matter who it is. Boy, girl, man, woman, whoever. Your manners, will win over a lot of people. Speeking of people, there is a whole heap of them to avoid. Sucky thing about being you, is when you are like you are, you will attract a lot of people. Here are some people to avoid. Mary, Whitney, Dane, Chris, Angela, Benjamin, Laura, just to name a few... But you will fall in love with Amy, Jimmi, Cliff, Lindsay, Lindsey, Linsey, Emily, Charles, Andrew, Joseph, Leslie, Adam, Melissa, to name a few. Just be yourself, and when you encounter these people, you will know how to deal with them. Keep them at a distance, or love them at a distance, or hold them close. You will figure this out.
One other thing I can tell you to do is this. You have GOT to find a way to take a compliment... Compliments are a good thing for you. They don't mean any harm. But when growing up, you don't like them... its as if you did something wrong. You didn't just the way you were brought up, conditioned you to feel that if you didn't do anything wrong, you just don't know how to take it... Every teacher you encounter, every "friend" that you make will ridicule you for something... Not your fault... Just be grateful that someone notices you. They know you, your potential, and see where you are short changing yourself.
But trust me... so far in your 31 years, life has been pretty good. 18 years ago, you moved to Atlanta. You hated that decision, but its the best damn thing to happen to you. The people, the times, the experiences, all of which will make you a more appreciative, and appreciated individual... Just promise me this... When you get to this point, just appreciate life. Be proud of your compliments. Be blessed and humbled by the people you know. Celebrate the successes of your friends, enjoy every experience that comes your way. Say no less, say yes more, and for the love of God... learn how to manage money, and quit lying. Trust me. Your soul will appreciate it.
Young man, may God hold and bless you in this journey. I think you will enjoy it. Love ya, kid.
Cheering you on,
Jarrett Hayes, A.K.A Jolly Green