LIES!!!! ALL LIES!!!!!

In a couple of hours from now, I will turn 33 years old. This journey in life will see another year that has come and gone and me become older, wiser, and prayerfully, more mature as an individual walking on this planet... As mentioned yesterday, I am looking for a job. I've had the run around about it, with one hire where I was going to make NOTHING... I went through an entire overhaul of my resume, and NUMEROUS applications, to where I have to do the one thing that I was punished, whipped for, and embraced EVERY consequence known to man for lying, now, I have to do the one thing that I was told not to do, to get a fuckin job.

According to this life, "You gotta fake it, til you make it." You have to "make yourself look presentable," You have to be everything in the world, except yourself, to get a damn job... on paper, and how you "look" to the rest of the world... Me, I can definitely keep up, and look nice for when it calls for it, but, I have to make myself out to be this "bigger-than-god" persona, when all I want is to be hired to work a job I KNOW that I am qualified for...

So, what I am now learning as an adult is that the truth is bullshit. We all want the truth, but we don't want to handle said truth. Me, right now, I am a 32 year old black male, with an extensive vocabulary, a great work ethic, and passion out the ass... But they don't want to know that... They want me to sell them a lie to WHY I would be perfect for their company... I gotta go and lie to my potential employer to just get a chance to prove that I am great. No one wants to know that I have a potential eating disorder, or mental health issues that keeps me from being bold and comfortable in my own skin. I have more self doubt than I do self-esteem. I want to be an editor, and that is what I am studying for. They don't want to hear how I don't like politics, and I don't view sports as the common man. They don't want to know what I do for fun, they just want to know if I look good on paper.

Going back to the main point of this blog, and how lying is wrong... I still know, and believe that it is wrong, and it should not be used, but here I am having no other choice but to lie about myself to merely make a buck. I have never been so afraid to just simply ask for money from my mom. God bless her. She is a hard working woman, who has done so much for me, and I am very appreciative of, but in this time of need, she definitely has stepped in and up for me, in this, another moment of need. So, I understand her being protective of the money, but I  am so afraid to ask, cause of all the looks, and the under the breath comments she makes... Its almost as if I have to put my social life on hold, and the worst time for me to have to do that is in February, for obvious reasons. but, I just cant do it...

I want to work on movies, but behind the scenes... I know right now, I would have to work on set somewhere just to get going in the career I want, but, its so damn hard to get started, especially living where I do. I need to be where my life has been... Truthfully, I need to be back in Atlanta. I need to be around people in the field. I need to be near people who will cheer me on, instead of needing me to get a job to simply help out with bills. I need people to push me to be better than the best individual I can be. I just want to be happy... That's the honest to goodness truth, and right now, I am very close to just be honest with the family, and pursue my happiness. I need to put me on top, and take care of that... This is not a cry to say that I do not nor will I never appreciate my family for all they have done, but the people that has been holding me back, are the ones who say they love me the most...

I don't want to fight and lie for a job anymore... I just want to be able to finish school, and get to work being the creative person that I know I am. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to be around people who knows that I am creative, and not so smart to where I could be a philosopher (words from my aunt yesterday). I don't want to professionally think deep. I don't want to get a masters in English. I just want my bachelors in media production, and go as far as I can in that. Call me selfish, or short sighted, or whatever... I know what I want, and I know what God had put on my heart... I guess I have to be more self sufficient, and quit relying for some sort of miracle to happen, in the since of me just having all that I need fall into my lap... I know I can do it, but I wish that I knew what was the first step to take... Oh well... I'm sick of the lies... But I have to. I need money. I need to survive, and figure out a way to move back to the city... Also, we have to lie, cause that's what this country, and most of this world is made up on... Lies. The government, parents, friends, everyone has lied to us...

Anyways... I chose me. I will figure out a way to better myself, with or without blood. I got to... I'm FUCKIN 33 YEARS OLD!!!

Just A Little Help...

I'm special. I'm brilliant. I should be a professor. Things my Aunt have told me today when I took the, nearly, 2 hour drive to Stone Mountain, GA from Acworth... I have to take the back roads, because I need tires... But I guess we will start from the beginning of everything...

Yesterday. woke up to a missed call from my aunt, with a message stating "Give me a call when you get this." I did... She wanted to talk... not over the phone... So, automatically, I hate the day... If there is anything that I absolutely hate, its having to go to Stone Mountain... Stone Ass, Bullshit Mountain... Now, if it wasn't for the mounting car issues, I wouldn't have a problem with the trip, but because I have balding tires, desperate need for a tune up, and keeping an ever watchful eye on my gas tank as it drinks gas as if its free... Since these are my issues now, going anywhere further than Atlanta takes patience, prayer, and strategy... Even the Valentine's Day party I went to wasn't the easiest decision to make, but it wasn't a 1 hour and 46 min drive to that...

Anyway... I get down there, FINALLY, and all she did was talk to me... I haven't had a talk like this since high school... it wasn't a lecture, it was a "refocusing," if you will. Long-short, I have been looking for a job for the last month and a half, and had some close calls, and one actual hire, but, I couldn't do it for how much they were going to pay. I am not above any job, but working a full time job for less than minimum wage... Not worth it. So, I have been looking for a while. So, my Aunt brings up my age, my abilities, and what I need to do in order to get a job... I don't have a problem with it, but they aren't helping me find a job in my field of study... Right now, that doesn't matter, cause, I need money. I need to make money to catch up on bills, get back in school (only have 4 more classes to go), and graduate...

Right now, its all about working. I have to put my dreams on hiatus even longer... If it was as easy as my aunt made it out to be to just get back into school, I would have by now. The dream situation would be to find a job in the field, and work, make money, and gain skills that way... Right now, I have like 6 people trying to find me a job that requires me to LOOK the part, "I know you're bright. I know you are really smart, but I wouldn't hire you, cause you look homeless." These are the words from my aunt. Now, mind you, I don't mind keeping myself up, but it is so hard to when there is no reason to.

I believe that the outward appearance to the world is up to their interpretation. I can't change the worlds view of me, but guess what... Killers wear suits too... Thieves have been wearing suits since the beginning of time... So, because I don't look like someone of value goes to show that you don't want to get to know me for me. Some things I can change... I can change my weight, I can change my  style. I can change my mind, but when it comes to changing my personality for acceptance, NOT gonna happen...  But here's my reality... Everything that I have, everything that was going well, isn't anymore... Since I made the decision to quit my job at The Aveda Institute, it hasn't been easy. Yes. I made the choice to quit. I put my sanity and happiness above the money. I do not regret the decision, but I wish that things could have been better to where I didn't have to struggle like I am right now... If I was still there, would I be happy? Would I be alive? I don't know... But right now, I am miserable in a new town that I have yet to explore... things gotta change, and I have the power. The only thing that I need now, is the direction... God help me.

I'm Over Here...

I was so moved to get out of the bed to tell you something... I can't remember the last wedding invitation I got... I have a lot of close friends who have gotten married, and the last invite came about 2 months ago... I love my friends, family, and everyone in between, but a lot of them, who I felt close to, who I felt that was special to me, made it clear that I wasn't that way to them... I'm just the nice guy... No one wanted me to really, truly be there (except for Jill and Laura, who I had to turn down, because of work)... Friends post pics of parties they were invited to, events they went to, hell... I didn't even know my sister was in town for business, until I opened up Snapchat... The last time I saw her was... 3 years ago? Yeah... That was when our grandfather passed away... I have cousins that I have yet to see here in Atlanta, although they have moved here... I have family CONSTANTLY coming to town for concerts, and I find out after the fact... Who am I to these people?

This all came up when I was telling a young lady that I like how I don't get my hopes up for anything anymore... I called her, and then she later called me back, and mentioned how she was a bad person (which isn't true, cause we all forget), and how she screwed up... I just brushed it off, you know why? I have been looked over and made an after-thought, for most of my life. From middle school, through all 4 high schools, at church, and so on, I have been placed on the back burners... I told her "I'm use to this. I get excited to make plans with friends, and hang out, and something always comes up... be it life, or forgetting... but its all the same damn thing... I am an after-thought." It's ok though... I would probably be left at the alter if I was to get married... I probably wouldn't have 10 people at my funeral... but, I do all I can to make it to everyone else's events. 

"You're coming to my party, right?," "It would mean a lot for you to show up to this event I got going on...," "If you come out, X,Y, and Z will happen..." All these things that I get invited to, I try to go to... Shit, I remember in 1 night I went to 2 different birthday party celebrations, on 2 different sides of town... But the moment I tried to make plans for MY birthday party weekend... no one is around... Thank GOD for the Atlanta Film Festival people... I actually did enjoy my birthday. I networked with a lot of great people, and even got to see a free movie! But, I didn't get to hang out with any friends that I would have loved to have seen. I will probably never try to make plans for a birthday party ever again, and I am totally ok with that! Cause maybe... just maybe... 1 of 2 friends would show up to my party, while everyone else is over at my buds celebrating HIS birthday... I update on the socials of my plans, and I get likes from far away places, and comments like: "If I was there..." Thanks... Means a lot...

But being a number 2 is something that I probably wont escape. So, with that in tow, I will probably, lovingly, make plans that centers around me... My wedding will be non-existent... My relationship status will not exist to the public's eye... I will probably not bombard you every second of the day with what I'm working on. Probably going to forget to be a motivator as well... In times like tonight, 4 months ago, 6 years ago, 8 hours ago, I would rather look like an asshole, than to be set up for, yet, another let down...

Don't go off and feel obligated to invite me to everything now. If you genuinely want me to celebrate YOU and/or YOUR DAY, or YOUR GOING AWAY party, invite me! I would love to come, or if I can't I will politely declined, but being forgotten... SUCKS. Do you know how many friends I keep in touch with back home? 1. You know how many people from my home town has come to visit me personally? 1. Do you know how many times family have come to town, and I had to see if they were in town? I only have 10 fingers... This shit sucks. 

Robin Williams summed it up best:
"I think the saddest people try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel like that." 

Wise words. True words... Real feelings... But I'm ok. 

It Must End, NOW!!!!

A little over a week ago, I have read something that both shattered my heart, and enraged me to the point of embarrassment. A friend of mine shared a story of sad news of her neighbor... Read it here.

"My 25 year old neighbor didn't wake up this morning. He committed suicide, overdosing on medication and alcohol. His father told me that he was a junior in college, was making good grades, but his friends had teased him for not being 'black' enough. His girlfriend had broken up with him because she was embarrassed that her friends didn't think he was 'street' enough. This family, the WHOLE family, 3 generations of them, are so kind and sweet. The look out for each other and for me. His grandfather is my closest neighbor; and he's a preacher. Their family and close friends (REAL friends) lined up and down my driveway as they gathered for condolences and prayer. I held hands with them... and up drove a car blasting music and 4 men got out and sauntered toward us to join. His grandfather stepped forward and said, 'We forgive you, but we aren't ready to pray with you. We will pray for you.' No words... We have to stop this shaming culture. It's Manslaughter."  - Meredith Van Sickle

This really tears at my spirit... As a black man who loves things that aren't considered "black," It really shows that black lives really don't matter... It only matters to those who have some sort of agenda to make sure the government stops killing blacks... But if it did matter, this young man should have had the world in the palm of his hands, but because he wasn't "BLACK" enough, he felt like he didn't fit into this world... How fucked up of an individual are YOU, to judge how one conducts themselves? How shitty is your existence for you to break someones spirit for being themselves? You are seriously one fucked up individual.

There should never be anyone to break anyone down for being themselves. Its disheartening to know that there are people so willing to make someone feel lower than themselves... Bullying has got to stop. This young man had such a bright future ahead of him, but now, we will never know how far he could have gone, because to some fuckclowns thought that he wasn't  "black enough." Fuck you.

The reason why I am so upset about an event like as such, is simply cause I, too, have been picked on for what I like and don't like, when it comes to being me. Apparently, no black people are to like hockey, rock, country, NASCAR, camping, cycling, classical, golf, anything that isn't "black." Heaven forbid that he has to shuck and jive to just drink a 40, and talk about the bitches he's fucked, and ride the dick of LeBron James... and wearing every jersey imaginable to match all the shit you couldn't afford on your own...

For a while, its been like that for me. Being picked on by friends and family, black and white, for liking a certain band, or a certain sport, or whatever... Do you know how many plans I broke, because I let an asshole talk me out of doing something, because of the color of my skin? If I ever see that individual again, I'm stomping him out. He's an asshole who can't take the fact that his brother passed away, and he would rather take out his frustration out on everyone, instead of himself... This motherfucker looked me dead in the eyes, and told me that I need to rethink going to Canada, cause I'm black... Fuck him.

It is no one's place to refuse someone the ability to be an individual. I am damn proud of the things I like, love and follow. Its what I decided that works for me. And those things is what I decided for me. No amount of bullying will ever make me be ashamed of myself, nor will it ever lead me to kill myself. If you can't accept anyone for who they are, what they believe in, what they do, or whatever, find your way out of their lives... I want black lives to matter to black people... I want it to move to where its a movement that should start from within, and fester to the government bigwigs... But we all want to be all bent out of shape and upset because a few people died at the hands of cops, and the ones with the cameras wouldn't stand in to fight for their fellow man.. Yeah... That's right... I blame the camera man. instead of capturing the moment, go and fucking help your fellow man... but because YOU wanted everyone to see what got you bent out of shape, COME ON!!! Protect your fellow man, because those who are to "protect and serve," ain't doing that... And now I'm suppose to be bullied into thinking that I should be mad, because you wanted to capture a shit moment? Fuck you.

 Anyone who talks proper, wears clothes properly, or want to get out of whatever fucked up situation that they do not feel is for them, gives them all the power that YOU neglected to allow flourish. Just because someone found a way out, doesn't give you the right to hold them back. LET THEM BE WHO THEY WANT TO BE! There has been such a fight for acceptance by the gay community, the trans community, and the nerd community, but in the black community, if you don't talk a certain way, walk a certain way, be a certain way, you are pointless. We need to quit killing each other, mentally, and spiritually. Its already hard enough to keep us from killing each other physically, but we have SO much time to stop killing each other to bring each other down... Shit has got to change. This thought process that is breaking black people down and shaming them for the way they decide to live, has got to stop. We have to do better to encourage and accept... We want to fight to the weak, but we don't want to fight those who doesn't appear as such...

That young man should be alive, trying to deal with his bad week... but, nope... Hes in Heaven, laughing it up with his ancestors, friends, and God... What he could have been... Had just such a small bit to go to be successful... Taken away because we want someone to be something they are not... "Black." FUCK.... YOU!!!!!

The Mask Is Off

In my life, I have had ups and downs emotionally, just like a lot of people... But the last 2 1/2 weeks have been, not only just an emotional roller coaster, but a prison of anxiety, self doubt, self lies, and a prison for my creativity... This mental state just doesn't come along with a warning... It hits you square in the mouth, when you aren't looking. It doesn't have trigger, it doesn't come with instructions on how to get through it, it just sucks. What usually makes you happy or laugh just doesn't work anymore... What makes you angry, makes you sad, and just the thought of trying to get out of your current state of mind, has no plan, or resolution. It's just a darkness that only you can manage...

Depression is so real, y'all... I am in a better place mentally, but I am not fully out of the storm. I haven't done anything that I usually do in a while. I have just been a robot. Wake up, work, home, repeat. While in that routine, its a lot of lies that play in my head, and a lot of "realism," and anger. Realism... A friend of mine, who happens to be a brain doctor, was talking to me, one day in 2009, about "depressional realism." Its when one sees the world for what it truly is, when you are depressed. Not really trying to be happy or live in world where happiness is a drug. It's a real thing. But, the anger... the anger is a mixture of whats inside, and what is on the outside that you cant change. For me, it has been such a sucky time of trying to figure all this shit out, but I have kept myself busy. Between work, and friends wanting to hang out, friends reaching out just to see if I am OK, and just there to give hugs, and love when you are at your mental worst.

For me, it's been a mixture of failure to be myself, a little of environmental, and a little of not finding the happy medium... Its like a loss of control of how you think the world views you... I have social anxiety as it is already... So, as it feels to me, when someone doesn't think something is funny, or doesn't get my humor, or says something in a correcting manner, I am a fuck up for the rest of my life. I do not feel good about myself, or the situation, and I feel like I have failed. I feel worthless, and disconnected from all the fun everyone else, appears to be having. The worse is when I can't get a word in... it really makes me feel unimportant. It sucks... and all those things, is just part of what drags me down and has me feeling low. I do all that I can to not compare myself to anyone and their success, or their motivations... It is very very difficult to actually to be happy of others success, when YOU, yourself, have nothing to show for it. I go to these meet ups, and people keep asking me "so, what do you do?" I tell them, "I'm still 'technically' in school, studying to be a writer and editor..." And I have NOTHING to show for it, except for 1 5 min student film, that I wrote... That, and the 3 scripts that I wish I could work on, but just mentally blocked to not do it... So, as happy as I am with my friend and their successes, its so damn hard for me to be happy or feel like I'm going anywhere, when I literally have nothing to show for it... NOTHING!!!

So, with those factors, its impossible to feel truly happy. I love helping friends. I love being an ear for people to vent in, and being there when I can... But I hate the fact that I feel limited. Its so hard to actually describe the feeling, but if I could, I would say that its like an invisible fence... Freedom is right there... but you know you can't go without getting shocked. So, instead of just going for it, you go in the house, find the furthest room from the front, and you hide in the darkest place and just focus on the fear... That's how it is for me...

No. It is not as simple as just getting out there and trying it, or doing it... It's an unexplained force that is inside of you, that will keep you down. No, your pep talk doesn't help. No. Your cheerfulness and pushing doesn't work either... The best thing to do for ANYONE suffering with depression is to simply give them space, and check on them periodically... DO NOT force them... DO NOT give up on them... DO NOT stay quiet... DO say your peace. DO something to just let them know that you are there for them... DO NOT try to motivate. DO NOT brag about your successes, or ethics... DO NOT talk bad about ones beliefs, thoughts, or whatever... DO be respectful of a persons struggle... You will never fully understand what goes on in someones head, unless you know the struggle...

Like I mentioned earlier, I am almost out of my struggle, but its not easy... I have my friends who are in the same boat as I, and are willing to listen and understand. Suggesting anything to help, won't help, usually... It's up to the individual to finally get over themselves. They will let you know. Just understand by being understanding. The YouTube star, known as Markiplier, just lost a friend to an attempted suicide... The damage was enough to where he passed away. And the friend suffered from depression, and he kept it silent... I can imagine that its the same struggle for a lot of us who do suffer from it... we feel that no one wants to listen to us, and hear our struggles, and we internalize it, and it does more damage than good. So, never assume that just because someone is laughing that they are not masking pain... Don't think that people who are helpful aren't in need themselves... You will never know what a simple call to say hello, what a facebook message, what a smile can do for someone. So, think about that next time you want to post a meme about how you are doing...

For those struggling, know its not over. Know that there is help, and places to go... but go at your time. Don't do it until you are ready. Your friends are great people. Confide in the ones that you know will understand... Find help groups, find something that will make you laugh. But, again... take your time... One thing that helps me out, is the song "Trouble" by TV On The Radio... Their latest album is their first album since Gerard Smith, who was the bassist of the band, passed away due to lung cancer. And I am pretty sure the 4 remaining members had some difficulty trying to cope with the lost, and Tunde written "Trouble" talking about what exactly it feels like to be down... but it helped me out when my dog died when I heard him sing the words "Everything's gonna be OK... I just keep telling myself, 'Don't worry, be happy...'" It helps, and once a month, I post the video, cause I know someone needs those words...

God bless you all, and if you need anything, I am here, and I understand.

Just Give Me A Minute!

Guys, I'm tired... I am exhausted. I am done. This summer, this year, this month, this life, can't end any faster... Every time you blink your eyes, someone's offended... Every time you breathe, someone's standing up for something... Every time I look to my left, you're wrong. Every time you turn your head to the right, you're a retard... Every time you stand up, you're not allowed to think for yourself. Every time you sit down, you're giving up. I. AM. FUCKING. TIRED!!!!

I am tired of being angry, I am tired of being too black, not black enough, wrong for thinking outside the box, right to someone for one SMALL thing I said, all the while missing the big picture in why I said whatever it is I said. I can't like certain things. I can't love other things. I can't speak my mind, I can't hold my tongue... IT IS EXHAUSTING TO BE A HUMAN  BEING IN THE YEAR 2015!!! Even worse, its IMPOSSIBLE to be a passive black man in 2015. I am so damn tired of all the anger, all the one-sidedness, all the "should be's" and the "expectations" that comes with being what the outside says I should be. I just want to go to work, make my money, go out and hang with my friends when I can, go home, and get some rest, just to do it all over again. I don't need to be angry. I don't need to be sick. I don't need to be tired... I just want to sit a few series out, but of course, "consciousness" won't allow it. why is it so wrong to just want to be human? Why do I have to be black? Why do I have to put myself in a box? I just want to be a human.

I feel that I am too old for this shit. I feel that I am just wasting valuable energy TRYING to be something that I'm not... My dog died a month ago... I was pissed off at the vet that we went to, because if her condition was so bad, they could have suggested a 24 hour emergency vet... But no. I drive home, I get a text, I walk in the house, and I see my sweet girl, dead in my mom's room, and I'm pissed off at the vet. Not only am I to be pissed off at the vet, I got to hate the police. I gotta defend a motherfucker that I don't know. It is SO TIRING to have to fight all the fucking time! It is literally killing me, to have to turn on the TV and see another black person being killed by those who's sworn to serve and protect. You know what June was fought over... a flag... A FUCKING FLAG. No... let that sink in... The nation... NATION. THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, was in an uproar over a FUCKING..... FLAG!!!!!! They were not pissed off at the fact that a young man took advantage of the kindness of a church full of people who opened their doors and hearts to this young man... no... We were supposed to be pissed off because of a fucking flag. Fuck me right in the frontal lobe.

This nation is soooo quick to be pissed at "things," and not the body. Oh! And fuck you for being a forgiving soul. ITS TIME TO MALCOLM X THIS BITCH!!!!! ENOUGH WITH THE MLK, APPROACH!!! IT'S TIME FOR ACTION! Why!? I'm tired! It does not affect me! It should not affect me! Why? I'll be more than tell you... No one wants to look back in time, and actually see the progress that has been made in civil and human rights... No one wants to see the laws that was in place, that would have had my great grandfather, a white man, put in jail for a long time for having 3 beautiful daughters, one of which is my grandmother. no one wants to see that the killing of freedom fighters is now a crime where "time served," is no longer valid. The things done to blacks and whites who were apart of the civil rights movement, back then had a a HELL of a lot worse than any of us do today. But yet, we have to be angry and pissed and ready to fight all the time... NO. I'm sitting this one out. I am done trying to appease every other black person. I am done trying to be conscious! I just want to live out the rest of my days on the sidelines, as I hope and pray (which is also something I can't do either, cause, FUCK GOD, RIGHT?!) that shit will right itself one day soon. Love wins, no one's happy... That fucking flag that made everyone lose their fucking minds came down... no ones happy... This nation has been fighting for 93% of the time that its been a nation... why can't we all just take a fucking break, and enjoy some pizza, tacos, and Chinese!? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

 I just want some peace amongst my friends, and my fellow man! I just want to sleep peacefully! I'M GONNA TAKE A NAP! I just don't want to fight anymore. I'm done! Let me be me, and love me for me, and not for what I am, what I should be, or what I think... ALLOW ME TO BE THE INDIVIDUAL THAT I HAVE GROOMED MYSELF TO BE! Is that too much to ask? Its like I have to fight, just to stop fighting... THIS SHIT IS TOO DAMN MUCH!!!!

History Can't Be Erased.

One of the more passionate men in political satire, made the country stop and listen to what he had to say in regards to the actions that took place on Wednesday, June 17th, in Charleston, South Carolina. If you are not aware of the goings-on, I'll give you a quick and brief update. On Wednesday, at a bible study/prayer meeting at Mother Emanuel AME Church, one of the oldest "black" churches in the country, steeped in history, was a target for a racist individual. I have seen his name so many times, but I do not utter it. He went in, and sat, prayed, and listened to these people for an hour when he opened fire and killed 9 people, including the pastor of the church, who was also a state representative. He spouted out hateful and ignorant things such as "you rape our women" and other ignorant and hurtful obscenities. After his actions, he fled. He went to North Carolina, where he was found. He's in custody, and naturally, a lot of people want him dead.

Jon Stewart opened up the Daily Show on Thursday, with this passionate speech.

Yes. what he said is true. To get anywhere around South Carolina, you have to drive on the roads, making the generals, and those who fought for the confederacy, roll over in their graves... But there is a lot of history that is forgotten and ignored about the south. Its a sad truth, but it is. No one will ever know that there were slave owners who didn't abuse his "property." You will never know of the Volunteer regiments throughout the South, full of black men who fought for the confederacy. That's digging deep! Too deep.

Now, everyone is attacking the flag. The Stars and Bars... The flag has been made into a symbol of hate... You know what? Instead of me trying to make this sound awesome and amazing, Ill just copy and paste what I said on a friends page in response to a lot of all-of-a-sudden anti-confederate flaggers out there...

"As one, who is from South Carolina, I feel as if I have to stand in... Believe it or not, there was a time in the nation where the south was the footrest of the north. No money was coming in for all the agriculture, and the goods... So when Lincoln was elected, who was big on that subject (paraphrased, of course), that's when South Carolina seceded from the union, soon followed the other states that formed the CSA... And of course, you gor the civil war, and what not... But the symbol of the confederacy, was that of a region in protest. One that wanted it's fair claim to be called and treated like Americans. 

Now, that symbol is used as a symbol of hate... I can see why. There are pictures of lynch mobs smiling and having a good time at picnics (short for "pick a nigger go hang") smiling and laughing as innocent black people died for nothing. Burning their flesh, mutilating them as they hang there, all in good fun... That symbol that is so disgusting, was never intended to be such, nor was the swastika. The swastika is a symbol of peace... It's over 3000 years old, dating back to the days of Troy. But that's a different argument. Back to the point.

Do I think that the flag is wrong? No. I do not. It is a HUGELY important part of the history of my state, and this country. That flag should not fly on top of the dome of the state house. But it should not be erased from history, because racists of the good ole days, didn't lower it after Wednesday. Another important part of history is that Charleston was the beginning of the civil war. 16 hours of shelling, and the union surrendered, cause the fireproof wall, caught fire... And the only casualty... One dumbass horse... 

But that symbol is vital to the history of my home state, and the country. It has the right to be at the state house. Also, in 1998, it was taken down from the a top the state house. But you can not just erase history, because "the streets are named after generals." Those same generals actually lead the black confederate troops. YEAH! Believe it or not, there were blacks who VOLUNTEERED to fight for the stars and bars. My ancestors, my people, fought for the "bad guy." But that is a part of history that a lot of people want to ignore, shuffle off, and believe didn't exist. No one wants to believe that all slave masters weren't Leo on Django... And it's hard to believe. I get it... But it happened... So all the disgust, all the anger should be warranted for the skewed view that has warped our history. That flag should, at least, rest in the halls of the state house, cause it's not just my states history, or the nation's history... It's my history..."

This is my only argument I have for the flag. The flag should rest in the halls of the state house of South Carolina. It seems that there is a movement to erase it from history... you can't... Recently, in a movie, there was a joke that was an American confronting a German about something, and the punch like was "World War II." We love to remind them of their darkest days as a country, while they took pangs taking measures to erase that part of their history... What if they did that to us? What if they just love to haphazardly love to remind us of our history? Trust me. Just like here, there will still be people holding on to those days, where "whites were supreme." And there will be a million more days of war reenactments... You can not erase history. It can not be erased. It happened, no matter how embarrassing it was. I don't hear anyone bragging about how Japan had it coming... Just saying... We did so much damage to that country that the walls still hold the shadows of those who perished the day we dropped those bombs... Let's make light of that, shall we? 

It amazes me, how everyone is all of a sudden so passionate about something, when it should not be a thing, or should have already been a thing. And now, everyone is all about #TakeItDown, but their intention is to try to erase it. No. You can't erase my history. I will not allow my history to be erased. As much as we love to deny, victimize, celebrate, forget, never forget, and remind ourselves of all the other important parts of history, we can't deny that ours happened. And trying to erase history, will never happen. We want to remember our warriors and heroes and celebrate their sacrifices for country... You can't skip over the other parts either. And you can only take away 1 flag... you still have at least 12 flags to let you know, that history will always show that the south, had to do what they had to do... The state flags are symbols of the confederacy, and I LOVE my home state's flag. Palmetto tree and cresent. Beautiful! Don't touch that flag.